Boat Across the Ocean UPDATED!

good music

i like it

dark@@

Ok, I promised to comment, and I'm doing so in earnest right now! :)

To be honest, before I gave this a listen, I really didn't expect much from it because you yourself gave it that negativism haha.. (that and you said that you just came off from writing incidental music), BUT I was massively, utterly, and best of all: pleasantly surprised by this. I really, truly, enjoyed listening to it both the first time, second time AND the third time (yes, I know... I used the word "both" in reference to three things). Congratulations on deciding to write a sonata!

Since this is sonata form, I'll be slightly picky. Your A theme and accompaniment are extremely pianistic (as far as I can hear). Do you yourself play piano? The theme is quite interesting too.. it grabs the listener's interest and makes them want to hear it developed, which is the hallmark of a good sonata theme (yeah, that's subjective and entirely my opinion.. but.. trust me, ok? :P ). In your exposition, I did notice that you began to develop the theme but it slowly faded away -- it was dissolved. That is VERY good writing in my opinion... it really feels like a true drama (which is what I feel sonatas should be).

This new theme isn't really VERY much contrasted from the previous material which should be the goal of the writer. The accompaniment is much of the same... perhaps you can add a more convincing bridge and change the triplet nature of the accompaniment. At 2:30, (and just immediately preceding that), you have some very marked chromatic sequencing/harmony change which is EXCELLENT. You've clearly marked to the reader (interchangeable with listener, in my opinion) where your development has begun and that's a definite strong point. The sequencing of motifs here is both reflective and innovative... it really draws the reader in.

****minor complaint*** : as your development section progresses, there is one minor complaint of mine - you can always hear the root of the tonal center of the whole piece. I think you should have a marked change in the root of the tonal center in the development so that there is more tension.

Ok, back to your development. This is.. almost ditto of what I would do in a development section. You have a balance between repeated material and material that is new... it keeps the listener involved. I think it was a brilliant idea to use your sequencing to get out of the prevalent mood at 4:10. From that point onwards, although your material is somewhat new, it is still in keeping with the expository material. Again, I HEAR THAT TONAL CENTER'S root.. it should be changed a bit. If you wanted to be really playful, you could change the mode. At 5:20, that is just pure literary genius..

You basically disassembled your theme and reassembled it ... part by part.. so the listener could understand (ok, my opinion is slightly biased since that is something that I would think of doing :P ). For writing this whole piece by ear, you certainly show a lot of talent... BUT... BUT... there is still a lot to be desired in that department.

Writing modally does give it that "different" feel, but there are still chords with functions in each mode... I think that you should exploit those more instead of staying in the tonic for a lot of your material. This will undoubtedly add to the richness of your harmony and make even a Tonic seventh chord in your recapitulation seem like a breath fresh air.

And me being me, I felt that as a piano piece, your left hand writing could use a *little* more work. It'd certainly add quite a lot of interest to have some contrapunctal lines in the left hand. Counterpoint usually helps pieces like these. Of course, it doesn't have to be "Bachian Counterpoint" (old Yc reference), but there is still room to have valid opposing lines.

This, like I said before, is quite an accomplishment and a pleasure to listen to. Congratulations :)

I have a lot of work to do, so, I should really give it a better listen later, but, though I do hear Ravel and Glass (maybe more Reich than Glass), I swear I hear indie band in this. Hella indie band. Maybe it's just me.

As of now, my main gripe would be to allow this piece to flow a bit more - at this point, it feels as if this constant arpeggiation is a bit self-limiting, in the same range; it should be much freer, to glide throughout the whole range of the piano - more fluid - more watery, I guess.

Again, I'll have to give a more detailed analysis in the future, but, for now, that's all I have to say. However, you have caught my attention, and I'll definitely check out your music in the future - your tonal/modal adventurism has caught my attention.

Being a new-comer, I have been listening to quite a few pieces today, and I am still going off my philosophy to especially comment if it's a piece I like, if it's a piece I see with potential, or if there's a lot of room for improvement (possibly harsh critiques).

I, sadly, had high expectations for this piece. Not knowing your background, other than the title of minimalist composition, I had a less an ear to hear structure and virtuosic piano. This is, no doubt, the style of piano you hear in Ravel quite a bit. However, even Ravel can variate his piano parts and give variation, which this piece does not. You were trying to get away from minimalism, correct? All I hear is arpeggio after arpeggio and a "every-ly-getting" boring chord progression/progressions over and over.

Another point is that the melody is quite the same. I have improvised and started to write piece upon piece that are A LOT like this, and I've seriously had to just stop myself. I noticed how boring of melodies I had come up with to go with that wind/oceanic feeling, and how arpeggios and ultra-similar chords and progressions got so - damn - repetitive. I would really suggest you do something about that, especially if you intend to write a sonata or what have you.

The last thing I want you to feel from this is discouraged. I am a harsh one, yes, but I am not harsh to be mean, quite the contrary, I am "nicer" in the end when I am harsh, because I am giving you room for improvement (and, in this case, a LOT of room is needed). Get a melody, get some variation and never make someone second-guess if something repeated or simply copied and pasted.

I encourage you to continue, because I can see that you can do something even from one piece. You and many other people have been posting comments and such the past few months, so it's in interest, but don't get biased the least bit, because (at least to myself) there is need of improvement.

Good luck!

I'm sorry but I'm not entire sure what you mean by that. Would you mind clarifying?

That's what Mazeppa says... :)

I want to listen to this and read the score!

what should i use to play this file ,,,, ITS not working for me,,

Is Media Player not working, or is it just this particular MIDI file? What does it do - say it can't open it? Or does it play it like normal but it just appears mute? You may need to reload your sound drivers. I usually just reboot my computer. If it's not just this file, try addressing the question in the software/hardware forum.

Very impressionistic very expresive and i was very very curious to see the sheet cause many times a have problem how to notate what is exacly on my mind.

I like very much the ritenutos and accelerandos.I haven't listen all the songs here but honestly this is from my favourites...:thumbsup: