Piano composition: need your feedback.

Hello everybody,

Few months ago I posted the following post:

http://www.youngcomposers.com/forum/piano-composition-15638.html

I worked on music 1 and ended with a completed version "Last words..".

As I always say, I am not a professional piano composer, with zero

background in music theory. Below you can listen to "Last words" and

I hope to receive some comments on my composition.

http://mariam.ae/composing/lastwords.mp3

Please, don't consider pedaling techniques, I am still a beginner.

Not bad.. =) But I find music 1 to be like a rip off version of The Unfinished Story by Isisip...

But you probably never heard of it before...=)

Thanks for your post! Yes, I never heard of it, but now I did. Other comments?

That was not boring.

On one listening: Overall I think it was simple but elegant and moved well. The change at about 0:46 kept it fresh and gave it some different coloring and the return back was a smooth transition.

I dig the 3/4 - 4/4 bits (or 7/4, whatever you want to call it); keeps the piece from having a stereotypically predictable progression. I think it was nice. The embellishments were very appropriate.

"Good" is always subjective, but when a piece tells a story, what matters is that the listener can derive a feeling or imagery from it. I was able to get a story from it. I could go into lots of boring analysis of why the title fits.

My suggestions for a stronger piece would be to break out of standard baseline--not necessarily change it, but at least reinvent it: give a different spin to the same argument. Again, one could go into lots of boring analysis for or against the suggestion.

I checked out your website (your direct link in this thread to the MP3 is missing parts of the address) I actually think it's really funny you're in Info Tech.

Keep writing. I'd like to hear more of your work.

Thanks ad hoc! It is very important for me to have non-boring compositions.

That was not boring.

"Good" is always subjective, but when a piece tells a story, what matters is that the listener can derive a feeling or imagery from it. I was able to get a story from it. I could go into lots of boring analysis of why the title fits.

Well, I am really interested in hearing this analysis.

My suggestions for a stronger piece would be to break out of standard baseline--not necessarily change it, but at least reinvent it: give a different spin to the same argument. Again, one could go into lots of boring analysis for or against the suggestion.

I could not pick up this!

I checked out your website (your direct link in this thread to the MP3 is missing parts of the address) I actually think it's really funny you're in Info Tech.

Thanks alot.

First of all, the entire attitude of the piece is very somber. A phrase like "last words" usually indicates an impending separation and is not often associated with pleasant things. Whether the last words involve an argument between two parties (or more) or an internal conflict for someone leaving something behind/committing suicide/insert scenario here, the attitude is appropriate for such a title.

The "theme" is very decisive and can feel forceful at times against the constant drone of the bass line; it's a cold-hard-reality type of theme, but transitions so smoothly into moments of tenderness, sweet memories, only to return again to the cold hard reality of the "present".

The piece is very circular--it drifts away to nice moments, but always returns--and develops, moves forward as it goes. In many ways it sounds like a goodbye song, depending on what imagery one wants to project upon it.

In the light of being an expression of a person's experience, there's a lot of speaking or decision making going on until a final moment where the build up ends (melody goes [solfege] ...ti-me-re--------do-do------------) and the progression ends right there. Things are left at that; whatever was said, thought, or decided has been decided and there is nothing more to say about it, the last words have been said. The soft ending marks the separation of the person and conflict.

Regardless of my personal interpretation, there's a lot of feeling and color to this piece and I think it was done very well, with only minor adjustments to make it stronger--which are subjective anyway.

Thanks ad hoc for your analysis, I really appreciate it.

i'm interesting, thanks

Thanks for listening.

You compose well without musical background. :D

But I assume you're a pianist so you listen to many musics, which should also help you understand the basics of chord progression.

It's a nice piece but I have problems with some places about the harmony:

0:50 and 1:00. It is not common to go from V to VI while you're trying to modulate to the major chord. If you were in let's say a minor (V) you should have gone to C major (I) at that point instead of going back to a minor (I).

Otherwise I feel you have a nice sense of breathing. You have potential.

Thanks, music is around us and I listen to music whenever there is a music (in TV, shopping, etc).

About the harmony in 00:50 and 1:00 -- It took me an effort to know what do you mean even though I am not sure if I understood you correctly. But, pointing to the time line in my composition helped me a lot.

Well, you won't win any originality points.

On the other hand, you don't really need them. This is a very pretty piece.

I'm not sure if I like how repetitive it is, but the theme is very lush.

Got nothing else for ya, wish I did. Nice work.

Thanks for listening.