If I Can Stop One Heart

I've done a little revision of this piece. I still think I should spend more time on it, but here's what I came out with so far.

Revised PDF

Revised MIDI

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Text taken from Emily Dickinson's poem of the same title. Really nice text, but I don't think I do the text any justice at all. The rhythm of the piece is extremely boring.

I could use some comments I think, but here's what I've got.

MIDI

PDF

I'm also working on something else at the moment, but I think I'm going to work on it more than I have done with most of my other choral works (like mostly just 1 hour kind of work).

Wait for that! :thumbsup:

Thanks in advance guys.

You know, I think you've painted a beautiful harmonic picture here. You've done the poem justice very well...you're entirely too modest.

The problem I hear is that it's simply too slow. I understand that you're going for a broad, expansive feel, but I think you can accomplish that without it being so slow that it feels rhythmically neutral. I can practically guarantee that that no choral director would direct it as slow as crotchet = 50 anyway. The MIDI playback is not helping the piece's cause, either.

As accomplished as you clearly are as a choral composer, I'm sure you already hear things you've written in your mind's ear quite clearly. Trust that, not this crummy MIDI playback.

Congratulations on setting a very deep and moving poem so successfully.

Question: Do you use Finale or Sibelius?

Hey, thanks for the compliment! :D I don't really feel I am an accomplished choral composer, I just started not too long ago anyway (this being my 2nd a cappella work).

Yeah, I agree, the problem with my writing is that they are just way too slow, and the problem is, I hear it like that and when I set the tempo on Sibelius (that should answer your question), it's always too fast, and I end up setting it to 50. I have to find solutions to this!

Actually, it IS way too slow.. the only part I want to be 50 is the "in vain" in the end... Now the task is to make it rhythmically not static like this piece is...

A General Perspective

The poem by Dickinson is wonderful and easily one of my favourites of hers. It comes off, to me, as very personal and painful. It's almost as if the speaker has sinned so terribly that she feels that even the most modest of kindnesses will clear her conscience.

I quite like the melody that you constructed. It's a simple and very appropriate supplement to the text. Some of its qualities are lost by the somewhat overslow tempo, but the overall effect is still there and it keeps the piece together well.

In the grand scheme of things, though, I don't sense much pain in here. Your setting has a very thick and expansive texture. This is fine and good, but it doesn't sound as personal as it probably could or should be. I understand and advocate the big sound of the choir in your interpretation, but it sounds somehow uneven against the pensive melody that lends itself more to an art song context.

This piece is also peppered quite liberally with nontraditional harmonies. My qualms with the texture aside, I think you voiced the chords quite well and they all sound quite nice. Yay for dissonance! However, while cluster chords are supremely effective in conveying complex feelings, it seems to me that you are using them... for the sake of using them. Because of this, less important words (e.g., "the" and "in") manage to suck away power from other essential words in the text like "vain" and "aching". Even when the more important words' antecedents have more of a passing function, much of the desired effect is lost.

I could be wrong, but I sense a lot of Eric Whitacre / Morten Lauridsen influence here. While I love both (especially Whitacre), I think your interpretation is too much of a good thing. When the text is applied to the picture it's a little... odd to me--not how I would imagine it.

Suggestions and Advice

I think your setting would greatly benefit if you give the poem an intensive re-analysis. Memorize the poem and live with it. Carefully read between its lines. As you're recalling it, make mental notes about how each individual word, line, and stanza makes you feel. In deeply personal poems like this, approaching it in a similarly personal way is advisable. If you do that, you may find yourself wanting to simplify some of your chord structures; the main goal, though, is to bring life to the text. Right now, the text seems to be looming over what you've written, never quite coalescing.

The other posters suggested trying different tempi. It is a little overslow, but just by a nearly negligible margin. It may just need a feeling of rubato.

Final Thoughts

As negative as my comments may or may not seem (I tried my best for the latter), I do like this piece. The last thing I want for you to do is think me antagonistic... I just wanted to comment honestly. I might see the poem completely differently.

Hoorah! Thank you for such a detailed review!

Right now, I am on holiday (not staying at my own house, etc, no internet) aand I can't do much yet coz I'm rather busy :( but I have read your review and it all made much more sense now (after your explanation of the poem). I didn't give the poem much thought in that sense! So yeah, I rather failed in that. But your explanaiton of the poem makes better sense and I got it now! :D

I shall work on a revision of this and post it here when I have it done :)

Once again, thanks!

I'm so glad you took that well. :sweat: You're certainly welcome!

A minor revision is posted!

Please check it out :D thanks

(I meant minor, not A minor as in modality...)

Nobody has a comment on the revised version? :(