January 20, 200917 yr Rapta sinu matris iacet hic miserabilis infas ante novem plenos lunqe quam viveret orbes hanc pater et mater maesti flevere iacentem parvaque marmoreo clauserunt membra sepulchro Stolen from her mother’s lap, here lie a wretched infant before she lived nine full moons her father and mother wept over her as she lay and enclosed her tiny body in a marble tomb Here is an a capella choir piece I've been working on... It is still in "rough draft" form, but I figured I'd post this and get some input! Its a very sincere text, and I was blown away by its truth. It is an actual roman epitaph. Really awesome. Wooo! enjoy! MP3 HERE!!!!!!!!! Finale 2007c - [Epitaph]Final No Name.pdf Epitaph.MID
January 20, 200917 yr The beginning started out very hauntingly, however, afterwards your harmonies became a lil jarring for me and seem to be more for the purpose of intentional dissonance (? hope I put that the right way, don't take offense). After the very loud fff, you seemed to be going back to the opening feel which I thought was satisfying given the lyrics you set - the loss of an infant and the parents grief in burying the child.
January 20, 200917 yr Author The beginning started out very hauntingly, however, afterwards your harmonies became a lil jarring for me and seem to be more for the purpose of intentional dissonance (? hope I put that the right way, don't take offense). After the very loud fff, you seemed to be going back to the opening feel which I thought was satisfying given the lyrics you set - the loss of an infant and the parents grief in burying the child. Thanks for the quick feedback! The dissonance is entirely intentional. My favorite word in the text is miserabilis, simply because there is so many connotations that come along with a word like "wretched" Why would a parent ever call their dead child wretched? My intention was to use the dissonances to get a sarcastic, angry, and grieving sound out of an otherwise soft and mournful collection of voices. If you point out specific incidences where you felt the chord was jarring, I'd be more than happy to look it over some more. Thanks again for the comments!
January 20, 200917 yr Measure 17 beat 4; jarring but that could be the playback mm 47 - 49: extremely jarring also mm 33 - 38 don't seem to gel with the piece - which is something I think I mentioned in my prior post - seems sort of out of place. Also, while actually viewing the score more in depth; perhaps a good note to mention is your use of intervalic jumps. mm 13 and 15 you have the bass do a jump of a 7th. Since your piece is unaccompanied there may be intonation problems there and I would suspect some bassi may 'slide' into the pitch so to speak. Large intervalic jumps like these are usually best reserved for choirs of a professional nature and for professional musicians as well (not to say that a more amateurish group won't be able to execute). One of the best advices I can offer for vocal writing is to follow voice leading and try for a more even step per line approach (this will limit the jumps and make your piece more performable - but also, perserve your harmonic language as well.) Also, as an addition, one thing my choir teacher would always say when selecting pieces: Voices tend to treat extreme dissonance poorly - the blend just doesn't bode well for overly dissonant passages. One suggestion, which might work, is to perhaps add strings to it to help balance the dissonance. String Instruments hold dissonance the best (almost as well as the piano, imo). I hope going into depth helps.
January 25, 200917 yr Author Thanks for the comments! I don't mean to make your comments invalid, or for that matter appear ungrateful, but I'm just going to explain why I made things the way they are. Measure 17 beat 4: Yes, its probably the midi, but I intended the octave jump by the sopranos to be jarring. Setting up the next few bars where things get dissonant quickly. Measures 33-38 are a word painting on my part. The text references the moon, and I tried to convey that sort of lunar, mysterious quality with my choice of chords. Measures 47-49 are supposed to be a huge dramatic build up to the point of climax. In other words, I want them to scream (metaphorically speaking, not actual screaming) In terms of the bass interval-jumps, I am writing for a good quality collegiate choir so..they can handle it. Also, I think voices treat dissonances quite well, I rather enjoy me some good sung dissonance. In all honesty I have heard some amazing choir works with really painful dissonances that just blew me away. Maybe its a personal taste? All of this is just me explaining what I was trying to do with the piece. Like I said before, I'm still very grateful for the comments and I will keep them in mind as I set out to revise the piece Thanks a lot!!!
February 9, 200917 yr Author Update 2/08/09! I have updated the MIDI file as well as the PDF file on the initial post. Also, an MP3 link is now available!
March 10, 200917 yr Author In all respects, I am going to present this thread with a humble and merciful bump. I plan to send this in to a contest and I would like to request some (more) criticism. Bring your worst. Thank you all!
March 19, 200917 yr I don't mean to put forth a useless comment, but I just had to express that I had I listened to the Mp3 and thought it was absolutely beautiful. It's haunting and passionate, especially considering the material it is based off of. I wish I could offer more useful feedback, but I don't feel that I'm proficient enough in music theory for such. Once again, I loved it and best of luck to you!
March 20, 200917 yr OK. Just going to write down my thoughts as the come. I really enjoyed this piece a lot. Let me say that first. It's lovely and has some really powerful sections. There are some sections I absolutely love, Measures 46-49 are lovely, with building that big chord, and the membra sepulchra following, is where I think this shines the most. The beginning chords are awfully reminiscent of Whitacre's "Water Night" and I think your chords borrow a lot from that piece. I don't know if that was intentional, but it's not really a bad thing. Measure 17 is jarring no matter how you slice it, whether intentional or not I'm not sure how it will sound with a choir. I do however love the resolution you bring in "infas". Really powerful. I don't think you need to fully resolve it though, the resolution at 20 is fine without m. 21. The pregnant pauses between some of the sections I don't feel add the the beauty of the piece, but detract from the flow. My favorite section is m. 29-37 where you have the triplets in the altos, that's a really effective sound. It just adds a really cool layering effect. Kudos. I believe the word "iacentem" is pronounced as a y-glide (ya-chen-tem) so you might have to rewrite that little part. Good Job!
