Another post, please review: "Go, Lovely Rose"

I know, I know, another poem made famous by the great Eric Whitacre, and yes, I am a huge fan of his work. However, it's not my fault I think he choose wonderful poetry to put to music. I love the poetry as much as the music, and I definitely try to bring my own voice to the words, not just a mere mimicry. I would love some feedback on this piece, I attached a midi recording. It's for a cappella choir, but I have the piano reduction. There are some problems with the climax of the piece...trying to find the right tempo of the big fortissimo section. I know how it should feel in my head, but it's hard to make Finale do the exact same thing.

Also posting the score so people can follow along. Any feedback, comments or criticism would be greatly appreciated.

golovelyrosesatbscore.pdf

golovelyrosesatb.MID

Ok, I really don't know what style you are trying to write in, but I'll just give you what I think would help fix the piece.

It sounds overwhelmingly common practice in its ideals and forms, which is why you should probably follow common practice 4-part writing conventions. Although it is, yes, what you feel it should be, writing in common practice rules would undoubtedly strengthen this piece up quite a bit.

The first big thing is that you have 4 voices and a piano accompaniment, but you'll often have a one voice texture or a 2 voice texture or a 3 voice texture at best. You can create thicker textures by creating contrapunctal lines. Lines that give the reader more listenable interest. Things that will have them coming back for second or third listens. For example, the very first note of the piece is a G and a D, when you have 4 voices to use. Although this implies either a G minor or G major chord, the piece would really benefit from a full harmonic flushing out. Another example of this is measure 3, first and 2nd beats. The four voices are all in parallel motion, creating a one-voice texture, when a 3 voice texture can easily be created. I'm not saying that you should use the most number of voices all the time, though. I'm saying that your textures should be a choice of the composer and have the weaker textures be the less common texture.

I think you've got the point for the textural stuff.

Now for the harmonic stuff.

Yes, I realize that you're writing however you feel like you should write, but honestly, there was no drive in this piece for me. Your harmonic choices should create a buildup throughout the piece to your apex. This, I think, would be better achieved in your piece through better counterpoint and common practice harmony. Every time a phrase ends (and I'm glad you highlighted this, because otherwise it would have been unnoticeable), your parts all take a huge pause in their lines. If you used common practice harmony, your phrase endings wouldn't need to be highlighted by pauses. Instead, your lines could continue their contrapunctal interest with the listener knowing that a certain harmonic change has happened. Creating tension, in addition, can be best done by modulation.. something you don't do in this piece. In fact, I don't see any accidentals at all. This is almost essential for holding interest and creating some drama within a piece. Sure, perhaps you wanted to portray the piece and calm of this poem, but it's impractical to have a listener sit through this whole piece then. A thorough study of harmony can help you achieve these goals better.

The last, short, thing I have to say is that when writing pieces, you should have a clear goal of the end and have the product make sense to the listener. I'm not saying yours didn't, but it would help to have some overall dramatic structure to solidify it in the listener's mind.

Hope that wasn't too harsh!

Keep Composing! :)

Having given this piece to a few friends over the summer, I'm hoping to get this performed some time in he next year. I've been really happy with how this turned out, and I think it's pretty strong, I would love some more feedback.

Check out the "Go Lovely Rose" by Norman Dello Joio. It's pretty fantastic, and might add some ideas to your pool.

I've said this before, I think... The whole pan-diatonic thing is cheesy and worn out. I'd love to see some chromaticism in a piece like this, so it sounds more like a journey and less vanilla. You've got a whole pile of pieces just like this one- I'd love to see you challenge yourself into breaking new personal ground. Having said that, if you like what you're doing, then keep it up!

While I'm not certain I'd describe this as "vanilla," I would certainly call it static. Stasis as a compositional medium is certainly viable, but what stasis in music actually MEANS is interest at a micro-level. Carter's Etude (which is just a G for about a minute and a half) is interesting because of its orchestration, and the rhythmicized entrances of the different instruments that contribute to the overall texture of that single note. Without chromaticism, your piece is static in the large form, and without the smaller textural interest to keep us interested, our attention goes elsewhere.

The tonality and rhythm seemed a little to static to me. It never seemed to break free of the confines of F Major (which is a very difficult key to sing in) and it appeared to be a series of 4 bar lines and phrases stuck end to end. Experiment a little. Use some secondary dominent chords to suck the audiance in and use extended and interupted phrases to create more drive throughout the piece.