After the storm

Well.... I decided to stop lurking and start actually posted stuff.... so here is a lyric I wrote recently, and need feedback on... I already wrote some music, but it's not done yet. All comments are appreciated :)

Thanks,

Caladluin

After the storm

the sky grows gray

and the wind howls through the land

the sun has gone

the stars have lost their stand

the storm has just begun

so don't get blown away

the day may be dark

but hope will shine this way

after the storm well live life again

the gods will stop their wars

they'll let our children play their game

after the storm love will grow again

you'll see

The night turns black

as the mountains cry in pain

the moonless sky

has drowned us all in rain

we still have to go on

we cant leave here today

the day may be dark

but hope will sine this way

after the storm well live life again

the gods will stop their wars

they'll let our children play their game

after the storm love will grow again

you'll see

the trees will blossom in the gardens of sunshine

the winding stream will lightly flow

and birds between the leaves

will sing an ode to joy

after the storm well live life again

the gods will stop their wars

they'll let our children play their game

after the storm love will grow again

you'll see

First I love the chorus but my only concern is that it doesn't seem in its poetic structure to differ much from the verse. I wonder if you could make the verses' descriptive language much more visceral and dramatic or build on the metaphor of gods warring more. You have good stuff here but I think it needs to be more focused your imagery OR more descriptive for the lyric have a much greater impact. The music san do only so my much.

I love it, I just want a final verse. I feel like your verses talk about the way things are "now" and your choruses promise hope. Your bridge offers a picture of what "tomorrow" will look like. The only thing I feel is missing is an idea of what "we" will need in order to make it to tomorrow. Something about holding on, something about trusting, something about staying strong through the storm.

I really love the structure of it, and I especially love the repetition at the end of every verse (partly why I want one more verse). I don't have many criticisms (except perhaps that "way" and "away" aren't really rhymes, they're identities and you're basically rhyming "way" with itself), but the chorus actually seems rather weak lyrically. You have the hook of "after the storm" but other than that it seems to meander. However, I don't think it's a bad lyric by any stretch of the imagination. It's something that could definitely be strengthened by the music. I look forward to hearing the music.

The lyric reminds me of this song: YouTube - The Skin of Our Teeth

Good work!