Where does the Music Come from?

Hello.

I have written a new choral work that I REALLY hope to have recorded. However, before I am able to do that, I want some good criticism. I have been working harder on putting syllabic stress where it needs to be, and I believe I have done a decent job. but, please be as nit picky or as general as you desire. Those of you who know me here, you know that I enjoy criticism and that I always improve from what you say!

Please check it out and enjoy this heartfelt piece. The Finale can come nowhere NEAR the enjoyment and emotion this piece can fulfill.

http://www.box.net/shared/so7vrk5ln4 - pdf score

http://www.box.net/shared/57a3rz2tui - .mus

I really don't like the subject matter here.

This is my least favorite criticism to give, because there's no good way to put it - either it means you aren't good at choosing text, or the poet might be someone you know and you'd take offense, or my biggest problem with the piece has nothing to do with your input - but regardless, it's the truth. I mean the text sounds like something a middle school choir would sing and all the parents would be like "aww, lookit my kid!" and no one would really take it seriously otherwise.

Actually, you know what? Wait until you have more input on that facet, and if people agree with me, change something. If people think I'm stupid, then ignore me.

As for the optional notes - ehh, okay, I get your reasoning, but the point of a divisi is to say, "hey, those in this section that can hit that note, do so, otherwise, sing the other note." Furthermore, some of them don't make sense - like there was a tenor G somewhere with parentheses around it, which makes absolutely no sense because all tenors can hit that note. And in another spot I think you give an optional note to the tenors that is lower than the note being sung by the basses (found it: m43) - why? Just give the low note to the basses, and the higher one to the tenors, and eliminate the compromising of your texture. That's another problem I have with these notes - you're basically saying, "hey, I wrote some notes but if you don't like 'em that's okay, just leave them out!" Screw that, DEMAND THEY BE SUNG!

After those issues, there's general score cleanliness things like slurs cutting through words and all that. I dunno. Just...tidy up a bit and repost, then we'll get into the aesthetic judgment.

e: dynamics go above the staff!

i agree with dev. it is kinda kiddish. but I'm not vary experienced in music.

They're right- it's not very sophisticated. The music is okay, but Dev has a great point about the optional notes. As far as the low bass options, I think they're layed out and notated correctly, but a couple of others don't make as much sense. The prosody is good and I think harmonically this is stable and works well, but you might want to go back and look at places where all the voices are going in the same direction. You don't notice it as much on Finale, but when live singers sing all these parrallelisms, it's nowhere near as gratifying as contrasting motion.

Don't lose heart about the text, though, I think. I'm not a very sentimental guy, and I think (probably like Dev) that I'm overtly aware of the sentimentality in this kind of material.

Oh... I forgot to mention, the text was forced upon me. lol. This is for my Godmother's retirement and I was told to compose a piece with this text incorporated, so I did.

So, I am aware of the kiddish sound, it wasn't much of a choice. As for the general cleanliness, I enjoy cross voicings (as you have noticed in ALL of my music), but it is because I compose completely horizontal. I often forget to look at who is singing where.

The tenor's part where the g is in parenthesis is not easy to hear (tone-wise). Because it's a major 9th and a major 7th down in both divisi parts. And, my high school choir is singing this, and I know they aren't that experienced, so for them, they probably won't be able to hear it. But, I could be wrong.

As for the sheer parallelism, you are correct. I do not pay attention to it. Why? Because I don't look at exactly which chord is going where. So, sometimes they end up going in the same direction.

Most importantly though, the emotion is what drives this piece. It is meant to be simple , and is meant to just be a simple question and answer. Nothing more. I am not trying to make an impact, just get through my Godmother's retirement alive without my mother on my tail.

I have fixed everything you have asked and removed the divisi completely, now it all must be sung. So... yeah. Now tell me what to fix.

I actually Liked it a lot. Especially towards the end when it becomes more Broad.

But i do believe that the repeat is kinda weird and i don't see the significance of repeating that WHOLE part over again. Maybe a portion of it would do.

I don't have any voicing or format comments cause i don't specialize in that department.lol

I just love to listen and look sometimes but it is always important that your singers are able to comprehend EVERYTHING. I had to learn that the hard way in a reading of my piece. Its cool when you see something that you did wrong and you fix it, it sucks when 10 different people in a choir pick out different things wrong with the format or voicings or text.lol

But overall, very nice work.

Aside from a few notational aspects in the score (the divisi, as mentioned by dev), looks like a nice piece. Any chance you can put up a midi or mp3?

I could fix up an mp3 whne I get home tomorrow. Would you like to point out the divisi issues or the other notational errors.