Nocturne Op. 2

Another old composition of mine, back when I used to write by hand. Managed to digitize this one as well. 

Whenever you have your D-flat to B-natural figure it always sounds awkward, I think due to the continued tonic fifth elsewhere in the current chord.
Developmental issues in terms of carrying something out to the end. Doesn't flow particularly well. Especially the transition from loud to soft.
The main melody got repetitive fast. I'm not sure why, but perhaps the rhythmic simplistic nature of melody yearning for more development, or perhaps it just sounded too child-like for a Nocturne? I'm not sure.
Good ideas! I'd focus on stringing them together more fluidly. Cheers!

2 minutes ago, Monarcheon said:

Whenever you have your D-flat to B-natural figure it always sounds awkward, I think due to the continued tonic fifth elsewhere in the current chord.
Developmental issues in terms of carrying something out to the end. Doesn't flow particularly well. Especially the transition from loud to soft.
The main melody got repetitive fast. I'm not sure why, but perhaps the rhythmic simplistic nature of melody yearning for more development, or perhaps it just sounded too child-like for a Nocturne? I'm not sure.
Good ideas! I'd focus on stringing them together more fluidly. Cheers!

 

Thanks for the feedback!

There is a nice basic melody, but I agree with Monarcheon that it becomes a bit repetitive after a while, and the various embellishments throughout the piece do not solve this problem. I think that adding a segment of  development somewhere in the middle would be a good idea, including one or two key switches, before you revert to the ending.   

The opening is DYING for a counterpoint line. Also, change up that harp line so it won't be SO constant and predictable.   Add that breath of fresh air. Remember great pieces have breath.  Add a pause sometimes to give space. Even great buildings have a wow & flutter temperment