It Doesn't Make Sense

Hello,

I'm Stephen, and I'm a sophomore college student majoring in music at Occidental College, in Los Angeles. I'm trying to start up a band (rock/ska/funk/fun stuff) at my school this semester, and this is the first song I've written for the group (and the second piece I've written in life).

1. Techniques used:

I started off on piano, messing around with chord patterns that I thought were cool and trying to sing along with them to create a melody. Then I used Finale Allegro to type it all up, flesh out some horn parts, and voila.

2. How long it took to compose the piece

Um, a couple days? I'm not exactly sure.

3. Structure of your piece

Horn section intro, then a repeated verse/chorus section, with one verse section simplified into a repeated, open, 4-measure pattern for improvised solos. Very simple structure.

4. Obstacles when composing

Getting the lyrics I wanted to match up with the tune I had written. I kept feeling like I ended up with one extra measure (the one measure right before the chorus), but in the end I decided it felt better with it, even though it seemed off structurally.

5. Summary of overall piece

Kind of silly, hopefully will be fun to play once we finally get this band together. I was trying to write something that would be relatively easy and fun for the band to play before we moved on to harder stuff.

Thanks for your feedback!

-Stephen

It Doesn't Make Sense.pdf

It Doesn't Make Sense.MID

It Doesn't Make Sense.MUS

I like where its going quite alot, and its a bit hard for me to believe this is only your second piece. However, you've done some stuff in this that I think can be improved alot.

- the very begining is very weak and instantly gives off an air of ameturish. You may want to begin a bit stronger, to gather more enthusiasm early on.

- Other than your guitar, bass, and voice, the instruments all lack anything too interesting in them. I put emphasis on the piano, which can hardly be decifered from the guitar and plays straight eigth notes forever. Your sure to bore any keyboardist to death with these parts, so I'd suggest adding a bit of interesting little bits into your individual backround parts.

- From measure 59 all the way to measure 83, you've got nothing going on. The melody is finished a full time through, and now its this instrumental thing. However, you've simply repeated the normal rythm over for almost 30 seconds straight. I would suggest you completely redo this part, and give something good to your Saxs and trombones.

- This isn't at all important, but if you have a big group, alot of the members will probably want to backround sing, meaning if you take the vocal part and give it a few chords at the main chorus, it'll satisfy them, as well as give the song a bit of a fuller sound.

Since this makes the song sound terrible, you must understand I really liked it. The above are just my own opinion, if you dont feel like they should be done, dont do them, they'll just ruin the piece. But still, take into consideration all I wrote.

Cheers, Lord Sorasen

I like where its going quite alot, and its a bit hard for me to believe this is only your second piece. However, you've done some stuff in this that I think can be improved alot.

Thanks! It really is only my second original composition, but I've been playing and paying attention for years, so hopefully that's paid off. I've also arranged a bunch of stuff over the last couple years, but until recently nothing fully original.

- the very begining is very weak and instantly gives off an air of ameturish. You may want to begin a bit stronger, to gather more enthusiasm early on.

I was going for an upbeat, energetic horn intro bit before having the whole band come in for the real piece. Could you clarify what you mean by "stronger"?

- Other than your guitar, bass, and voice, the instruments all lack anything too interesting in them. I put emphasis on the piano, which can hardly be decifered from the guitar and plays straight eigth notes forever. Your sure to bore any keyboardist to death with these parts, so I'd suggest adding a bit of interesting little bits into your individual backround parts.

Yeah, that's a very good point. I know I would definitely hate to be the pianist on the part I've written, so I'm gonna dig in and re-write most of it before handing it out to the pianist.

- From measure 59 all the way to measure 83, you've got nothing going on. The melody is finished a full time through, and now its this instrumental thing. However, you've simply repeated the normal rythm over for almost 30 seconds straight. I would suggest you completely redo this part, and give something good to your Saxs and trombones.

Sorry if I was unclear about the format there. On the score (and individual parts, of course), 59-83 is actually just a 4-measure repeated open solo section for horn and guitar solos. The idea being that because everyone in the band is a competant jazz musician, they'd be able to improvise their own parts in order to keep the backgrounds for the solos interesting.

But maybe I should add in some backgrounds for the other horns to play while they're not soloing. You could be on to something there.

- This isn't at all important, but if you have a big group, alot of the members will probably want to backround sing, meaning if you take the vocal part and give it a few chords at the main chorus, it'll satisfy them, as well as give the song a bit of a fuller sound.

Absolutely. If I were writing this for an unknown group, I definitely would have done that. However, the only people in my band willing to sing backup are the horn players, and they already have something to do during that section.

Since this makes the song sound terrible, you must understand I really liked it. The above are just my own opinion, if you dont feel like they should be done, dont do them, they'll just ruin the piece. But still, take into consideration all I wrote.

I will definitely work in some of the changes you suggested.

Thanks so much for evaluating my piece and offering your opinions! I really, really, appreciate the time you took to look through it and write some intelligent and productive feedback. I'm getting a good feeling about this forum ;-)

Welcome to YC!

I normally don't review this type of music, but seeing as I was in the Oxy/Caltech orchestra for the whole time I was an undergrad, I figure I should say something.

I actually think the opening is pretty strong. I like how you hold back the rhythm section - there's no need to always have a pounding beat!

The one thing I find strange is the combination of trombone with tenor and bari sax... they're all bass instruments, and it seems to me like some of the musical interest disappears when all the parts are bunched up in the same range. I can see why you might be writing for those parts (based on personnel available), but it supposedly isn't hard for a saxophonist to switch to a different sax... considered using alto instead of tenor?

When not listening to classical music (which is rare :wub: lol), my first choice other than classical is J-pop or Ska...this is definitely Ska-ish :P I like it a lot, be sure to post a live recording if it is ever played on real instruments :D

Hey, I'm back.

K, so to clarify... with the begining, I see what you were going for, but I dont really feel the power in it, but looking back, and imagining it with real instruments made it seem much better. However, I also feel the voice comes in a bit too early, let the backround in full run once or twice before hitting them with the vocals.

And with the solos... that makes alot more sence. Perhaps give the brass alot less, only every other measure or such, during that part, to give them a break.

And if you could find a trumpet player, that would also help alot.

Cheerio,

Lord Sorasen.

Thanks for all your comments, both nice and constructively critical. I'm really glad I discovered this forum (through a trombone forum, if you were wondering).

CaltechViolist, nice to hear from someone in the area. I myself am in the Oxy/Cal-Tech orchestra (was last year too), and we have our first concerts this weekend. However, due to a terrible, terrible idea on the part of Dr. Gross (did he conduct while you were there?), we aren't playing anything with trombones in it, so I've been forced to sit out of all the rehearsals so far. Lame.

Anyway, you are dead on with the guess about personnel. The only friends I have whose musical abilities are at the level I want my band to be at (and play desired instruments, of course) were a bari and tenor player (plus myself on trombone). And just to really mess things up, the tenor player transferred to a different state over the summer, the bastard.

So when I was formulating the band in my mind this summer, I thought about that problem (lack of upper-range horns), and decided that I was okay with it as is. I've always had an affinity for a really rich, deep sound (men's choruses, trombone choirs, that kind of stuff), so I'm hoping that will transfer into this band. Although now that the tenor guy is gone, I'm going to have to re-write all this anyway. Maybe I can find an alto player and re-voice the horns accordingly.

Thank you all for your kind welcome and reviews. I think this might be the start of a beautiful friendship between me and this forum ;-)

Dr. Gross conducted the entire time I was in the orchestra. We may have overlapped by two concert programs - I'm a second-year medical student at USC now, but kept on playing in the orchestra until last November. Although viola is my main instrument, those last two concerts I was in the back of the 1st violin section.

Then I switched to the LA Doctors Symphony... but I'm considering switching back, because the commute to West Hollywood is really annoying.

I really like this, and even though its simple its about what your ears like to hear ya? and i liked this the melody vocal line is raelly nice and maybe some parts off the horn lines are abit boring but thats all part of the fun, i find whenever where playing tunes it ends up being quite different from what we planned in this sort of ensmble

Very nice piece, I liked it a lot :(

but I thought it was maby a little repetetive between 1:27-2:01, but else it is great! I would love to hear the lyrics in the future if you make some :P

dronjom

Very nice piece, I liked it a lot :(

but I thought it was maby a little repetetive between 1:27-2:01, but else it is great! I would love to hear the lyrics in the future if you make some :P

As mentioned earlier on the page, those measures are intended to be an open-ended 4-measure repeated passage, where the horn section can do funky improvised solos.

There are lyrics, and you can see them in the attached PDF.

-Stephen

As mentioned earlier on the page, those measures are intended to be an open-ended 4-measure repeated passage, where the horn section can do funky improvised solos.

aha, I see. I didnt read all the posts below before I commented.

There are lyrics, and you can see them in the attached PDF.

-Stephen

I didnt saw that :wub: the song is nice. :P

d

Occidental College!? I thought that was just some obscure campus that no one knew existed- In July I attended a music camp there called NOISE! If I recall correctly, walking from the dorms to the cafeteria was a royal pain...

I'm not a big fan of anything rock related, but I must say, the lyrics were pretty good. I couldn't write lyrics if my life depended on it. For a second composition, I guess that's pretty good!

That one part that repeats 6 times is kinda repetitive, I would shorten it, or add a guitar solo or something. And when it goes back and plays the chorus, I would suggest playing through the chorus twice. But hey, that's just me. Good job!:ninja:

~Kal

_First post in this forum, yay!

EDIT: OH, nevermind about that four bar repeat thing.