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Posted (edited)

Without context, I'm unsure of what it is that you're aiming to express with this piece. 

If I had to be honest, I can't say that this is particularly enjoyable to the ear 😅 Just reading over the first page of your score, I notice that the voicings "clash". Skimming through, this seems to be a common theme. 

You have your key signature set as Atonal (or, open, no set mode), and while your rhythms are unique, and would work well with the ensemble as a whole, I find it hard to "hear" the direction the piece is going, and I'm unable to conjure any imagery in my mind for what this work's message is portraying. 

Not that all music has to have any real meaning to it. Music can just be fun for the sake of it being fun as well. However, again, I don't pick up on any sort of intent in this project, and I so desperately would like to!!! 

But to touch on your notation, we can review measure 1 as an example, as this same issue is present throughout the piece, and would give you an idea on what I'm referring to, for you to possibly utilize for edits as you progress in writing this. 

Beat 1, Piano, plays a C natural, doubled by the octave. Moving up, the Cello has an A natural. Which is ok, as it's a 3rd interval from C. However, the first thing heard is the C in the piano, which would typically establish the 1st tone of whatever mode the piece is in. (can be multiple, based on just the note C alone.) 

Moving up the next staff, to Viola, we have a G Natural. So far, that's (C/A/G...) Already, we face a dilemma. A and G Natural are 1 whole tone apart. and at the octave range that these are notated, imagine just those two notes played on a piano, simultaneously. That would be 2 white keys right next to one another, which is very dissonant, and can sound harsh, if used without context. 

Lets move up again to V. II: We have a B Natural. Then up to the top staff, V. I: We have another C Natural. So the first chord we hear is built upon; (C/C, A, G, B, C) Which would sound like this (see attached audio below)>>

I hope that, given the example, you may see where I'm coming from, in terms of being unable to pinpoint an intent with the sound of the notation! I want to emphasize, in no way am I trying to say your work is bad. It's apparent to me that you're still new to this stuff, and mistakes are okay! I just hope to guide you toward doing great things. Its difficult to follow music without a tonal central point, as you can hear from the attached audio. If you have a question, I'd love to talk about it. 

edit: what I *think* you were trying to use was A minor? I plugged the notes into my Musescore 4 program as just whole notes on the same instrumentation. I can hear a vague sound of an A minor chord. Which would be written like:
Screenshot2025-01-22042725.png.922a02dc9f8eb4b6e9e26856fc082853.png

 

Edited by UncleRed99
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  • 1 year later...
Posted

Hi there! Coming from a reference by Red99. 
I think this is an interesting start! It is a very stirring piece and I felt on edge at key spots. I do have some comments as both a composer and engraver:

1. Beaming: Be careful how you space out the 8th notes or 16th notes. It can be confusing to play as an ensemble if the notes are too separated. It may cause a non-professional (early-college and younger) confusion if when they try to play the syncopated gestures. 
2. Page layout: Consider changing the layout of the page to fit more than one staff per page. It will be really obnoxious as both a pianist and performer if I had to do that many page turns. (The staves seem too big or the page is too small)
3. Measure 19: The Viola and Cello should be written as a 6-tuplet versus a triplet. It's a small detail, but will make it less confusing when reading. 
4. Musically, it's too stagnant. It sounds like the same texture the entire time. It gives the effect of "an idea that never ends". As if you wrote a long run-off sentence with brief moments to breath. I feel like instead of bouncing the gestures around the ensemble, there can be a better balance of accompaniment and "melodic" material. Am I meant to bounce my ear/ attention around the ensemble, or is there a solo/ group of sounds to focus on? Where is the direction?

Good start, and keep it up!

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