The Deliverance of Brunswick: Our Deliverer

Hello! I started writing my first musical a while ago and I finished the first song last week. I showed it to my school's choir teacher (who is really great and fun to work with), and she liked it... but, knowing the excellence of this community, I decided to ask for your comments! :D

Here's the story line: (skip it if ya just want the music :D )

A holy nation called Brunswick needs deliverance from the land of Darien. The northern barrier is about to fail and the Darienites are a hostile people. On the other side of the Eastern Sea, according an old wives' tale, lies a land called Eulona, where the people are pure, holy, and very powerful. According to the story, a man was born into nobility there who was a great leader of his nation. Like other men from Eulona, he was pure, holy, and very powerful, but this man was different- he was dangerous to quarrel with (which happened rarely) and was kind and just. The story-tellers call him Josiah-

Just on a note of ranges (because I have a hard time playing midis on this pc),

you had better have a very good school choir to be making the basses sing those low Ebs... and the G for the tenors and sopranos are towards the high end/top of school choir ranges..

Also, you will need a pianist with hands like dinner plates... or 3 hands... even if the piano part is for practise only..

ah, she did mention that... however I found that if the Eb's tripled in the bass are played with the 2 lowest in the left hand and the highest in the right hand, the interval of a 10th isn't so hard to play for her (she is an outstanding accompanist). I think that the top Eb there will turn out to be optional for the piano part. What I had in mind for the pit orchestra was trombone on the top Eb, Cellos down next, and the lowest will be a double bass.

Also, when the basses sing the low Eb, some of them will probably end up singing the tenor note (an octave above). But we do have an excellent school choir with a few all-state singers. I've heard our sopranos and tenors sing a little higher than that, so the high range is ok for the group I'm working with.

The low tenor range is one that I'm anxious to see about. Measure 10 goes a bit low, but since it's doubled with the basses, I think it might turn out alright.

Thanks for the insight! Are there any things I should work on harmonically or something with the lyrics?

I will try to get back to you about the harmony and the lyrics.. but I've no comments at the moment.

As for the tenors going too low - you have them in a fine range, the only problem might be stamina in that lower range, but the piece is short, and it's really no bother to them.

Well, I completely disagree with the comment about the range being too extreme in any direction. And decent High School Choir should have no problem with this at all. One comment I would make is that you should add a baritone line to sing a fifth above the low Eb's in order to support them. This has to do with the overtones of parallel fifths. Sure, singing an octave above it would reinforce it, but singing a Bb would make it completely different, and just what this piece needs.

I frankly had to chuckle at the tempo marking "Waiting for a Messiah" which obviously means quarter note to 84bpm Hahahaha. I've been waiting for my Messiah for a lot longer than 80 beats per minute! Sorry, I just found that rather comical.

I would suggest expanding your phrases a bit more. Obviously there is more music to follow after this, but it seems that all the phrases are short and choppy. That's a decent technique to use sometimes, but not all the time. For instance, you have the altos and sopranos singing "My deliv'rer" with the last not staccatto. I don't think it's really all that necessary. In fact, with a setting like this, you hardly have to put any articulations in at all. Most of it will come naturally to the singers, and are mostly to the director's disgression anyway! Good piece, look forward to seeing more.

"Well, I completely disagree with the comment about the range being too extreme"

I don't see the word "extreme", or the phrase "too extreme", or any words to that effect, elsewhere in this thread.

That is true- he said "towards the high end."

Now, I am very excited! Yesterday my school's choir read through it, and the director got a video tape of it that I will be acquiring tomorrow :P It'll be interesting to see how my ideas meet reality.