Abandoned Hatchling

Hey guys :) I'm new to the forum, and thought posting a composition up would be a good way to introduce myself.

"Abandoned Hatchling" is a piece I wrote two years ago (it was for a composition program at my school, and is my 3rd and latest-- I don't do much composition, but I'm hoping that'll change if I ever get more free time.)

The piece is divided into four parts: Storm, Peace, Predator, and Burial-- I was trying to depict kind of a storyline with the music, using the violin as kind of a narrator voice (but it doesn't sound right in any midi I try-- a lot of the dynamics aren't balanced the way I wanted... not sure how to alter it.)

1.Technique-wise... eh... it was all done while sitting in front of a computer screen with Sibelius at school. My knowledge of music theory is beyond horrible, considering how long I've been playing piano, so I have some heavy dependence on Sibelius' playback function. That, and coffee ^_^

2. Around 10-15 hours were spent on writing, though I think about 9 weeks of the 10-week program was used to muse over the structure in my head. (Yeah, my guide-instructor-guy wasn't too happy about the slacking.)

As for obstacles, there weren't that many-- a lot of the piece just flowed out, though I ran too short on time to elaborate on some of the sections. A celloist did tell me that some of the parts are impossible to play... though I'm not sure which those are.

Since I need 3-4 compositions to turn in for an HL IB Music certificate (if anyone knows what that is) by May, I decided to pull this one out for a thorough edit job. I'd be grateful if someone would be willing to offer constructive criticism/advice on how to improve. Thanks! :D

Abandoned_Hatchling_01.sib

Abandoned_Hatchling_01.mid

Hello there 327o and welcome!

I really like your piece and here is my short reciew:

The opening with the clarinet is very nice and the piano builds it up nicely to reach a very nice string melody with a great piano following. In these first 30 seconds the only thing i would change is the cello prat - it seemed a little inactive... and by that i mean it needed faster notes, something to establish rhytm. At 0:34 the piano solo part with the thrills were very nice and with the staccato clarinet make a great foreplay for the clarinet melody. piano seemed a little too repetitive, but still does the job in this part (0:36 - 1:10). wont say anything aobut the clarinet melody couse you know its simply rocks! :w00t:

The gentile part that follows ( "peace" i presume) was very neat especialy the piano-clarinet melody somewhere after 2:20. the lud BANG! at 2:45 is really weird, but since the piece is supposed to tell a story i guess it's ok. though it could use a few more notes on the piano, just to make it more bombatistic :glare: .

the next easy part is really cool, the string melody is very warn yet so sad - i really like it. the piano part here reminded me of warterdrops falling (i have no idea why, but the constant repetition of the same tone during the melody seemed to make a gentile rain feel), i really liked it. maybe you should add a few more of that in that long, forte note on the strings around 4:11 - it sounds empty without more accompamnient.

The rest is just lovely, and fineshes of in a really nice way, a really good job.

I heard some great ideas in this piece, but i think you can still inprove the piece. be sure to renew your music theory knowlage!

great job, hope to hear more of your work! :)

Wolf

Very nice! I could really hear the story in this piece. A few thoughts....

You had me completely captivated until the sudden burst at i think 2:40 as wolf said. I'm not sure what that was, maybe the predator, but it seemed to divert me from the "story" you were telling. Afterwords, it was pretty, but I felt like that last theme was too long compared to the others, granted I can't say for sure which was which. Perhaps develop the predator idea more and a little less of the burial? All the ideas are fabulous and I'm really just being picky. I love this piece and the story behind it. Bravo! :laugh:

To Wolf and the Warm-footed Musician ;) -

Thanks for the review! I'm glad that you both seemed to like it :)

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To Wolf's comments:

Yeah, I guess I've always had some trouble with writing the piano part. Not sure why or how to fix it, though I think it may be that I've always seen piano as a solo instrument. I'll try to liven it up with the next edit :)

Oh yeah, the bang at the end of the "predator" portion-- I kind of envisioned it to be when the predator attacks and the Hatchling dies. It was intended to be played by the whole forearm going "bwomp" on the keys-- didn't know how to notate that. :P

And as for the raindrop-y notes-- yeah! That's what I was hoping to convey- awesome that you picked it up :D My music theory is probably nearing the negatives though- I've given up on learning it a long long time ago. Just one of those things.

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To Socks (ahhhh... what should I call you by??)

Thanks -I will try some alternatives to the big cacophonous chord and see how that works out- as I wrote to Wolf above, it was supposed to mark the hatchling's death by the predator, though I bet there are better ways to do it.

Yeah, I feel the same way about the length proportions-- the burial segment was the same thing repeated twice, basically, while the predator section was rushed through and didn't get much elaboration. That is something that I will definitely be working on- thanks for the advice! :D