This creates a mood that to me is "pushy" like a crowd of people with each person trying to be first in line, or perhaps the competition to get on a train and grab the best seats at rush hour.
The harmony is quite modern but consistently so.
I would have liked a bit more as the piece just gets going, establishing its harmonic and contrapuntal structure, and then stops.
I didn't find the ending totally convincing, perhaps something more abrupt rather than a fade away would work.
Considering the rather strange and possibly limiting material of my original idea, this is quite an improvement. :thumbsup: