Serenade for Strings

Well I thought it was about time to post something new, so here goes!:

www.alexmcgery.com/Lament%20for%20Strings.pdf

www.alexmcgery.com/Lament%20for%20Strings.mp3

This piece is without a doubt the largest, most ambitious piece I have ever attemped to write! It is scored for strings, and is meant to be a descriptive piece conveying a particular 'story'. Essentially it is written about a family in wartime (WWII), confronting the inevitablity of war, having to escape from their homes, fleeing their country whilst avoiding capture or possibly even death. Although each section is not necassarily supposed to convey specific images or scenes, I think most people will probably find certain moments that envoke or suggest particular ideas and emotions.

It is a very sombre piece, perhaps even slightly frightening in some places. To achieve this I used a greater amount of dissonance than I have done before, although please be aware that there are some very traditional sections (including the first stanza.)

I enjoyed and despised writing the piece, but I am quite happy with the end result!

Although I do feel that I no doubt can and will produce more accomplished music I personally feel that I have not achieved anything like this before!

Please if you do listen, I recommend listening to the entire thing. The piece itself is quite varied and I would hope that most people would find at least something of interest.

Feel free to comment/critique, and please bear in mind that my scoring abilities are being rectified! If there are a few scoring mistakes please let me know, as I am submitting the piece in October for a university/conservatory composition course.

Thanks, and I hope you enjoy it!

Edit : Updated Score

hey,

I was intending those slurs to be interpreted as phrase marks, and therefore played with more than one bowing. Now I'm no expert on this sort of thing, so if I've made a mistake I will go through and correct.

Also in regards to the ending, yes it is damn high but I think it's playable! Although maybe it sounds ear piercing with the samples I've used, I would expect a real string orchestra to produce a much more 'ear friendly' sound.

Thanks for listening and commenting! Could I ask you whether you enjoyed the piece or not?!

Cheers,

The issue of the slurs is one of the more important ones you will have to learn when writing for strings. A slur is a bow marking for a string player.

Long bowings as you have indicated here are impossible to play. You need to write in proper bowing, and may add the indication "molto legato" to go with it (in other words "sustained"). Trust the players and conductor not to make it sound choppy.

Another litle notational thing - don't use those ugly double-dotted quarter notes. if you really want a brief sezura at the end of each of those notes, put a comma (breath mark).

Of course, then that means your pizzicato bass notes should probably not be half notes either. At least, not at the tempo it's playing. I would recommend quarter notes, simply.

(P.S. Andante piu mosso... piu mosso than what? maybe better to have Andante con moto)

At measure 2 (and later on), I see a crescendo (written out), and a dynamic marking almost immediately after. If you mean a very brief crescendo, then use a hairpin, rather than a text expression.

I would avoid the use of simultaneous different dynamics as you do in this piece. Generally, you should trust your conductor to know which part to bring out. Besides, the difference between p and mp is entirely subjective. You are in for more headaches during rehearsal than anything else.

Again, "adagio piu mosso"... uhuh. nope. no way. particularly that the adagio is actually MENO mosso from what happened before. So it's either Adagio or it's not.

Avoid that single measure of 1/4 at measure 45. It's incredibly ugly and really useless. Put a fermata on the whole note in measure 44, and a breath mark (comma) at the end of that measure. This will let the conductor know you want a sezura there.

At measure 50, I would remove that 8va sign in the 1st violin. It's not really needed until measure 53, and EVEN then, I would consider it extraneous. You may not like reading ledger lines, but violinists are used to it.

Measure 55, viola part: NEVER use dotted notes across a measure division. That should be a quarter tied to an eighth, like you have in the 2nd violin.

Speaking of this section, you have those annoying little 16th note rests in the upper strings. DON'T. Use articulations for this. that's what they are there for. Those are staccato notes. So use the dot.

Measure 60, the "poco accel" should actually be in the next measure.

Speaking of measure 60, what's with the square fermata? Drop that. It's an archaic distinction that no one follows. Use a regular fermata. If you want a LONG fermata, just write "lunga" above it. Mind you, since it's ALREADY at the end of a "molto rit", even that would be redundant.

Measure 72, violin 1, get rid of that 8va. It's unnecessary.

Overall for this score, since there's just so much divisi in it, I'd suggest you write it ALL out using idivisi staves, rather than keeping all sections on single staves. in other words, two first violin staves, two seconds, two violas, two celli. (I'm not quite sure why you have an extra contrabass staff, with no notes in it mind you)

OH! at measure 138, the cello part.. um, no, never, absolutely not, uhuh, no way Jos

This is a very expressive piece with rich string writing and a wonderful command of melody and harmony. I really enjoyed this. I don't know about the title, though. Given the storyline and feelings expressed in the piece, the description of serenade is a bit of an undersell as it implies lightness and entertainment. This is much more of a symphonic poem for strings in the tradition of something like Schoenberg's Transfigured Night (even though he called that just a string sextet). I think you need a better title that gives a better sense of the depth of the piece.

Dear QCC,

Thank you so much for taking the time to listen and post that incredibly comprehensive list of corrections to my score. I understand that you must have spent quite some time pouring over everything and I can't really thank you enough for being so unbelievably helpful! I'm glad you enjoyed the piece aswell.

The idivisi staves sounds like a great idea. It will take some time to score it all out, but in the end it will be worth doing. This will solve many of the issues you pointed out.

Ablyth, thank you very much! In regards to the name I completely agree. I think I designated the name Serenade primarily because it is a piece written as a dedication to a group of people, however I was also trying to bypass the difficult task of coming up with an original name such as Transfigured night! I'll have a think and see what I come up with...!

Oh and lightening the textures in places seems like a very good idea. Listening back, I can see that the piece seems to consist almost wholely of full-on tutti sections. This is something I will take into consideration for future pieces.

Thanks!

I thought this was very beautiful and would love to hear how it will open up with the breath and phrasing of a live orchestra. I also, along with Ablyth, didn't agree with the title based on the intensity and story you are telling. I could see it more as an elegy for strings than a serenade. I also like in bars 46 where you get rid of the low end. Personally, I could use less low end in the piece (ie: more selective use of the bass; bring it in on the big moments rather than so much of it throughout). The simple reason is a little goes a long way. Don't get me wrong, I love low end, but that is exactly why it must be saved and not overused and knowing how much of it to use will bring out the best in the piece. You might also want to put in some solo parts too - especially in the first third of it. Maybe thin out the textures when you have the solos. These are definitely aesthetic decisions so feel free to ignore these suggestions if this takes the piece away from your intention. I'm not particularly a fan of the voicing at the end. I'm assuming you want a nice big resonate chord but to me it sounds a bit muddy. Why not have all the basses play an E and the cello play B and E in the last few bars and there is quite a bit of the G#. Right now, the highest note in the chord is G# so it will be very prominant plus viola, vio 2 and vio 1 are all playing G#. Do you want it so heavilly emphasized? Wouldn't you prefer something like the highest and lowest note being the E and have the G# in the viola or vio2 only? Just something to play around with. Definitely get rid of the double dotted quarter notes stuff. I don't even think its necessary and I'm sure you already know about needing hairpins. You should probably put in a ritardando at the last two bars or so and probably a fermata on the least measure with a diminuendo.

Very nice piece overall. Are you planning to have it recorded?

Hi Karelm,

Thanks for listening to my piece and I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Although the things you mention are aesthetics, I tend to agree with you. I feel I have overused the low end; from bar 60 onwards, the double bass pretty much plays through the entire piece, which is just too much. However, rather than altering my piece at this stage I will take this on board for future work.

Solo string passages would make a healthy addition to the piece, but at this stage I feel I lack the confidence and the know-how to write competently for solo instruments! Again, this is something I will take into consideration for future work, and I will be studying some scores of large ensembles that make use of the occassional solo line, e.g Verklarte Nacht or Scheherezade (sp?) which I've been listening to a lot recently.

I'll have another look at the ending, thanks for pointing that out. I'll try out a G# in the bass, but as the piece stands, i do personally enjoy the voicing of the celli and basses. I wanted to create something pleasant, yet slightly uneasy. The fifth in the basses creates this effect quite well in my opinion, although I am thinking of removing the fifths for the final chord. In regards to the violas and violins, I'll definitely have another look. I agree that the voicing is slightly haphazard at this point, and once again thanks for drawing this to my attention!

Thanks for listening, and thanks for the advice!

i love this piece

touch my soul

look ! , it is very very good , i meant

when i feel sad and lonely , i will listen this music

dark_thank to share the music in here

Thanks dark for listening, glad you enjoyed it!

I like this a lot. Reminds me of Barber.

To me-

It is pleasant to the ear, and as a completed piece, provides a good degree of variation.

That being said, and as others have noted, it seems a little texturally too uniform. Thinning in places might create a little more aural variety, and provide some contrast for the more powerful passages. The "less is more" thing.

A fantastic job though!

That being said, and as others have noted, it seems a little texturally too uniform. Thinning in places might create a little more aural variety, and provide some contrast for the more powerful passages. The "less is more" thing.

Hi cyber,

Thanks very much for listening and commenting!

As a potential future plan I would like to write a few more movements creating a strings 'suite'. If I do so I will go back over this piece and take this into consideration. There are a couple of parts where simply removing the basses would help a great deal.

Reminds me of Barber.

When I wrote this I was unaware of Barber apart from the impossible to avoid Adagio for Strings. In the last month I've discovered a few of his early works, and needless to say they are brilliant. I think his First Essay for Orchestra is reminiscent of my piece due to similar motives and atmosphere, infact when I first heard the piece I thought he'd ripped me off! Obviously Barber is secretly influenced by my work! ;)

Yeah, I what you mean. It turns out that Schubert was strongly influenced by my as -of -yet uncomposed string trio No.1!

look ! cyberstring

this work really look like barber , but i think , this is still a brand new work and i enjoy it a lot

dark@@

This is a very beautiful and well made piece of music.

I haven't listened to much symphonic music lately, but this composition makes me want to.

As far as critiques go, I feel uncomfortable giving any at this point, for lack of a good knowledge of music theory and such; however, I do second what the others have said. Sorry I couldn't help more.

As far as critiques go, I feel uncomfortable giving any at this point, for lack of a good knowledge of music theory and such; however, I do second what the others have said. Sorry I couldn't help more.

Hi,

No worries, it's a pleasure to hear you enjoyed my work :)

Alex

The first section is absolutely awe-inspiring. I love the foreboding feel it has to it, and you seem to have almost a strangle-hold over your melody/harmony and take good control over it.

Let me just say, when you hit that D major chord in bar 11 I go places. Absolutely amazing.. the first time I heard it without the score I've said to myself "wow, that's incredible".

Keep in mind that I'm a sucker for more traditional music :p

Let me just say, when you hit that D major chord in bar 11 I go places. Absolutely amazing.. the first time I heard it without the score I've said to myself "wow, that's incredible".

Hi Gav,

Thank you so much, you really my day!

Overall: A successful work with many rich moments and harmonies. The flow is excellent and the music carries well, but perhaps you could have a bit more twists and turns, and also some soloistic sections, a full orchestra of strings playing all the time becomes tiring. It like's a huge climax just constantly growing and growing with really no finish or relief. It's as if you are scared of dropping out instruments. Yes it does happen, but not enough and not to a convincing enough degree. There's also a moment before the middle section where you have these rhythmic pulses, very original sounding.

-Alex

very beautiful music that you produce here. i was hoping that you would explorer your themes with cellos and violas that way its not one instrument all the time. my favourite musican transition comes at 11:42 very beautiful and i love notes like that!

sherief

You have so many ritardando - a tempos it's a bit distracting. It might be better to do this graphically, have a wavy line leading into a vertical something like this:

~~~|

which is how we players usually pencil in "ritartempos" that conductors invent during rehearsals :P . This will be intelligible to most people probably but you might include a note in the score.

This is a big journey of a piece and you really make us feel like we arrived somewhere at the end especially with the grand pause and the "adagio piu mosso". I just question some of the things that the computer does flawlessly, like interlocking sextuplets and playing in 6 flats, that will take a string orchestra a lot more time to put together.

Break up the tuttis more, as was mentioned, & another thing you can and should do is vary the vertical arrangement of the voices more. Gimme some of that rich dark viola sound carrying the melody, or appassionata cello high on its A string. I think I noticed you doing this a few times but it could be more. This is kind of a showoff piece for strings like the Tallis fantasia or the Elgar serenade, so pass around material more.

I want to hear this performed. :toothygrin:

Hi Gav,

Thank you so much, you really my day!

No worries.. what can I say? I'm a sucker for neapolitan 6th chords :P

Something that bugs me tho is the use of Cnatural instead of B#.. is it something I'm missing here? Jw

No worries.. what can I say? I'm a sucker for neapolitan 6th chords :P

Something that bugs me tho is the use of Cnatural instead of B#.. is it something I'm missing here? Jw

Nope, I more than likely made a notational error! I'm a little bit unclear about enharmonic notes. And yes, neapolitan 6th chords make life worth living!

Exanimous Thanks for your comments, and I agree that the full force of the orchestra becomes tiring after so long. I will probably ammend this in the future, and like you say some solo sections would really add some depth to the piece.

Sherief Thanks very much! I really should have shared the main melodic interest with the viola and cello parts a bit more often like you say. It's something I'll think about for future work. Oh and I love the bit at 11:42 too; it's unexpected but logical, or at least by my workings.

Weca I wrote this originally with a sequencer and so I tried to give it a 'conducted' feel by altering the tempos quite a lot. This happens naturally but I am a little bit unsure as to just how precise a composer would indicate tempo variations for an orchestral piece. I'll look into the wavy line indea, thanks for the heads up!

The sextuplets at bar 71 are unplayable for double bass. (so I've recently been told) As somebody who isn't a string player I'm sure I made a few more errors as well. Passage 'playability' is something I need to look into in more detail!

Break up the tuttis more, as was mentioned, & another thing you can and should do is vary the vertical arrangement of the voices more. Gimme some of that rich dark viola sound carrying the melody, or appassionata cello high on its A string. I think I noticed you doing this a few times but it could be more. This is kind of a showoff piece for strings like the Tallis fantasia or the Elgar serenade, so pass around material more.

Though I'm really pleased with the result I think I jumped the gun just a little bit with this piece. I will consider giving it a slight reworking (nothing drastic, just varying voices as you say) in the future as I would love to try and get this performed one day. If that ever happens I'd like to have all the errors ironed out by that time.

Thanks again to all who have commented and I will return the favour!

Have you ever heard of the golden ratio? In case you haven't, it's a pretty magical number (for cool reasons...look it up if you don't know), around 5/8. Bach, Debussy and other composers used this ratio as a rough estimate of when they would place the "climax" of their piece. You'll notice in most Bach fugues, or Bach pieces in general, the most fulfilling counterpoint occurs about 5/8 through the piece. I mention this because your piece seems to max out at about 3/8 of the way through, and then has a steady decline from there, with random outbursts scattered about. I feel like you built it up very nicely until a certain point and then sort of...went up and down like a declining stock would. I'm not sure if this was intentional, but if you were to do a sort of early-arch form type thing, I would lose the louder sections later in the piece.

Nico,

(Could be mistaken but no time to look it up now).

The golden ratio in geometry has two values, not one (both serve the same 'idea' or 'purpose'): 5/8 AND 3/8. In music usually the 5/8 one is used only because it's AFTER the middle, so the decline in the climax seems to make sense, but there's no reason why it shouldn't be in the 3/8 and still contain that 'magical' feeling you speak of (I'm not dissagreeing with you here, just saying).

The whole calculation of the Golden Mean is determined by the total number of measures multiplied by 'Theta', which is some irrational number like 0.0586... (like Pi, it's an 'imaginary' number)

This gives you the approximate location of the measure where 'Theta' is calculated along the timespan of the piece, and it generally happens about 5/8ths of the way through. Well, reverse the process and subtract the approximated value from the total number of measures and you have another location of 'Theta' about 3/5ths of the way through (it makes sense if you say 8/8 - 5/8 = 3/8). You can then take the total number of measures from the beginning to the 5/8 mark to calculate the position of another Theta, and reverse the process to find another. This whole process can be repeated infinitely to create multiple 'arches' for your music, a roadmap if you prefer to call it that.

So, if you have a long work that feels as though it doesn't build enough or doesn't carry enough interest from beginning to climax, you can use the formula to create a mathematical guide to the different events you intend to use and continuously build in a mathematically-based, 'logical' sequence. I don't believe many composers use it today... most go by instinct and intuition alone, and that's perfectly fine as well. But, it's a tool you can use if you need it.

Mozart did this in the overture to the Marriage of Figaro, by the way. Many composers of the past were at least aware of this calculation and used it to plan out some of their larger works. Bach's Prelude in C (not the Ave Maria accompaniment but the actual piece) uses the method as well. As you perform the calculation repeatedly, over and over you find that each new 'Theta' lands on an obscure sonority, mostly FMaj7. Many theorists argue that this is no accident, that the piece was planned this way before Bach ever wrote it. There's strong evidence to indicate this, but nothing in the way of sketching or actually performing the calculation as we would today.

It's been around forever, but it's not necessarily something to hang your hat on. Today we have technology that most of us use, so we can listen over and over again as we compose. I'd say the biggest reason the calculation existed at all was to ensure accuracy in formal structure... but there are arguments about that as well.

This is a very fantastic composition. Great work. I can imagine how they feel in this composition.