Compassion For the One I Love

First time posting one of my works lol so GO EASY ON ME!

No but seriously, all and every critisism are welcomed! Its the only way to learn :)

This piece is written for Female vocal trio; Soprano, Mezzo-Soprano, Alto

Performed at a concert in my University a couple of months ago.

Performers : Juice Vocal Trio

Words Written by myself

Hope you enjoy

Score - Compassion for the one I love.pdf - File Shared from Box.net - Free Online File Storage

Recording - http://www.box.net/shared/j40u8y2nvx

- Aaron

Should be the correct file and an mp3 now! Sorry about the mistake

a) Posting an .mp3 would be preferred over an .m4p

b) Did you mean for this to be a real recording? This is just midi/computer rendered voices. You list a "performer" but it's just computer sounds.

Trust me to mess things up on the first post. Its sposed to be a real recording ill upload the proper version now! sorry >.<

Correct files up now. Thanks

no feedback at all :(?

Patience. It often takes a long time for feedback to come.

I love it! this is very good! my only criticism is at measure 20. specifically at the notes that you choosen for "for gave" for either soprano2 or the alto. I'm not overly sure about the harmonizing. also the C note that you do at bar 36 felt weird. its very minor but that might just be me nit picking.

Good job sir!

Patience. It often takes a long time for feedback to come.

I am going to echo Chris here. It's also much easier to get comments:

1. If you've been here a long time and are very active.

2. If you comment on other people's work. A lot. <---- best for you, since you just got here.

It's kinda a "You scratch my back, THEN I'll scratch yours" society here.

BUT, because I am nice. And this is my home forum:

Measure 1 and 2-

I don't feel that your lyric placement is at it's best here... You put COM on a strong beat and the emphasis of the word is on PAS. Which puts SION on a strong beat when it is a weak syllable. Just a minor thing, but that is for future projects... try to keep it how we would say it, or it sounds unnatural.

M. 5-11-

Wonderful word stress and music! I loved these measures. You have done a nice job here of ebbing and flowing. It's a technique I use called: Teaching the Audience to Breathe. And it's all about pulling the phrase through the music and making them move with you and breathe with you. It's very handy you did this!

M. 17-

Word stress problem... you have put "to" on a strong beat... and even worse, on ONE. To me, that just sounds wrong. Cause "to" NEVER has emphasis.

M. 23-26-

WONDERFUL again! I love the melisma lines. Just gorgeous.

Pretty much everything else is subjective about your chord structure and what not... I won't comment on that. I felt that over all, you made a very successful piece. I think your texture in general could have been a little more homophonic to provide a strong sense of direction. Sometimes your phrases get lost in the whirlwind of musical lines. Just personal preference. :)

Thanks for sharing!

BUT, because I am nice. And this is my home forum:

Notice....it's me, you, Chris, and Dev.....lol....home forum indeed.

Anywho...Morv caught everything critical I wanted to say. Some things I really liked were measures 29-31. The 3 parts being separate and finally converging on the word 'misery'. And I really liked you harmonic choice there. Also, the echo effect at mm.38 at 'time that's plain. The rippling of the 3 parts was just a really fun effect to hear, and I almost wish you had made the alto sing it up the octave and then begin to drop down to make the chord, that way the 3 parts would be an exact echo, but if she's a true alto, that've been a difficult register.

Good work overall and welcome. I look forward to more.

Morivu:

Yes i see what u mean now! Definatly something to keep in mind for future projects. the "to" on the first beat especically, it does sound almost awkward in a sence now ive realised it. This was my first vocal piece so alot is to be learnt! THank you for your comments :)

Thank you all for your critisism and sharing what you like about my piece!

And im sorry for "expecting" feedback! ill get more involved on the forum, its just i was away on a choir residential course last week and had no pc!

THanks again!

Hey Zephler,

This is impressive. I'm a big fan of polyphony so that was a plus. I like the imitation at measure 2 and 38. Great use of unconventional chords like D-G-C and E-F#-A throughout the piece. I didn't expect them and when I heard them I died a little bit. Then the way the you tied it all back to the beginning line at measure 42 was very natural and rounded out the form. And of course my favorite part of the whole piece was the final cadence, because of the unresolved chords that lead into a tonic chord without the third. Very strong ending.

The only thing that I wasn't crazy about was the F natural at measure 20. It was just a little too dissonant for my taste.

Great piece, and thanks for commenting on mine.

I like this quite a lot. The motivic writing is solid, and it carries through the piece well.

That said - the text-stress thing is... bothersome. One of the easiest ways of dealing with it is just to re-meter sections. Like - the first "Compassion for the one I love" could easily become a quarter pickup, a bar of 3/4, and then a bar of 4/4 - no re-writing necessary - and yet your musicians would have a clearer idea of how the words flowed.

One thing musically that I feel you could work on in the future is a deeper connection between the text and the music. Right now they seem to work together only on the aural surface - and with text such as this, they could work together at a motivic and gestural level as well.

Hello everyone. Nice to meet you all.

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I really like this, and I have to say that a lot would be tempted to add some kind of instrumental backing to this but I think it is just very dear with the three girls' voices. You might want to add something in the score about the two sopranos' matching their high a's at the end because the two a's we heard in this performance were of very different tonal qualities...

there were a few times where the voices were in unison and then they split to a chord where the voice leading felt a bit unnatural, but if these sudden chords are intentional then i guess they are just not to my flavor! :)

keep up the great work, i hope your department is supporting your work!!

m

Hi peregrination,

thanks for your feed back. Im not sure that i would like instrumental accompianment, i likethe idea of 3 pure voices creating thier own "accompainment" and sense of harmony without any help.

As for the voice leading, yes i agree in places it does feel a bit unnatural, but overall i think it works in some cases (maybe not in all, but experiments have to be done to perfect this right :D?)

Totally agree with the Tones of the voices. The vocal trio that sing this dont usually do stuff like my piece, they're a very rythmic based contempory group, but i thought it would be interesting to see how they handled it! But thanks for the idea to write this in, will bear it in mind for the future!

Thanks for your feedback, i greatly appreciate you listening and reviewing my work!