In the Stars

On July 4, 2009, Jesse Parker was killed in a tragic car accident. His death struck our town very hard because he was always such a nice, caring person; never had anything bad to say. I created this composition in memory of him, because even a year prior to his departure, he still lives on in our hearts, and he is "in the stars" now.The first two measures represent his fatal car accident, and then the main theme starts at measure 3.*Piece has been edited*

In the Stars

Main theme = so Jurassic Park :santa: . I found this composition to be very simple, but effective in regards to its length. The last chord I find to be a bit problematic. The flute is in a very low register, and will not be heard. Ending on an octave I find to be overly aggressive for the expressiveness you were going for, I would either thin down the orchestration, or at least have a third added to the chord. Otherwise, it sounds great, well done. hones:

Good job on this! Nice to see you writing original music.

I'm gonna be detailed on this piece, so don't take it to heart!

I liked the first too measures! Really made sense and grabs everyone's attention for the slow melodies!

Okay, at "A"

your chords aren't even chords. They are open, I don't know if that was your intention, but it really takes away from the harmonic interest.

I would bring in the saxes with the rest of the reeds! They are in the same group, so they don't really add much texture! If that was a horn/trumpet/flute entrance, it would be different, if that makes sense.

also the low C is a really bad note to bring them in as an entrance in that dynamic, not to mention that it require pushing down nearly all of the keys!

So I would give this to the tenors!

B.

Doesn't really flow well from, A, very exposed and yeah, not much to say here.

C.

That suspension in the clarinets did not sound good. It would have been different if you kept the clash-resolution with the next measure, but it just sounds like a mistake the way it's written.

D.

Once again,

it doesn't really flow well from the previous section,

I like the dissonance in bar 55 and the rip in 56, really some nice elements to add.

I DO NOT like the whole rest fermata! There's something call a caesura. Put it to good use.

F.

Well nothing much to say here.

Other Notes:

I think you need a third clarinet/trumpet part to fill in some harmony. because high F's in the trumpets are gonna be too much with 5-8 people playing.

I think you switch keys like crazy. It looks like you went for the whole , "Oooh, let me see how many keys I can use in this piece" and none of them really made sense. I know I did this in the grand lullaby, but each key change made sense, and either brought in a new theme or brought freshness on an old one!

Also, you need to work on your transitions! It basically sounded like too many of the same song in a different theme!

You have great material, just fix it up!

Good job.

Thanks for the advice! I just have one question, what did you mean by saying original? Have I been stealing ideas from other people? I seriously don't know.

I'm gonna start by saying there's nothing wrong with your writing from a technical standpoint, but if I knew the backstory and then heard that the first two measures were a timpani-cymbal "car crash" I might snicker a bit in the audience. I mean I feel like that's about the cheesiest way to memorialize that event. But maybe that's not what you were caring about in this piece, which is totally fine.

Why do you have two players on the marimba? One person holding 4 mallets could easily play that part, not to mention two people rolling notes that close to each other would get pretty crowded. Speaking of percussion, and you've done a better job than most with it, but it's a nice courtesy to the players to label instrument changes on one staff - i.e. after a cymbal roll write "to snare"

I agree with MichaelAlex that the full measure fermata should be a caesura

i really liked this piece, and it wuz nice 4 his memory. if he wuz still here, he wudve loved it. i do agree with the frematas, i didnt quite understand y u put them there. other than tht, nicely done.

I'm not going to repeat some things said previously about the music. I agree with a alot of what MichaelAlex said. I don't think the "crash" should be in the beginning. I'm not criticizing that, but I think the piece would be much more effective if you used the beginning of the piece to represent his life, then had the crash, and then use the rest of his piece to signify the future, whether that be an afterlife (his journey to "the starts"), memories living on in people still alive, or influences he still has. That way it will catch the audiences attention much more, because they get to learn who the person is via the music before the "crash". And then once the crash happens, they get more emotionally attached. Nothing's wrong with what you have, however. I just think having the crash in the middle would make the piece more effective. I'm sorry to hear about Jesse, and I'm sure he was a great person, especially with how this piece represents him!

I loved the melodies in this piece, and I thought you did an amazing job at setting up the mood, especially with the great tone and use of the marimbas. I have a two orchestration errors I'd like to point out. To start, the first clarinets will not be heard above everyone else, even without the trumpets and horns. Double that on another instrument. For the trumpet solo at C, have the bassoon part in the trombones, or euphonium or tuba - keep the whole brass feeling. Finally, the horn glissando at the end should go on alto sax as well to add power.

Besides those small things, you need to state how many parts are on each staff on your score, I would have assumed you'd only have one trumpet based on the beginning among things. Also, state when each is to play by using 1, 2, a2, unison etc. Great work, 10/10

Thanks everyone Now in response for the whole rest fermata, that measure I meant to be a grand pause, so the audience can take in the huge climax and be ready for the quiet section afterwards. Also, my notation software doesn't recognize caesuras and plays right past them. The crash at the beginning, I know it's a little awkward but I can't imagine the piece without it, I think it perfectly symbolizes the fatal accident that took Jesse's life. Once again, thank you everyone who has given me advice and critique so far.