Reflect - The Immersed Sudarium

I wrote this piece in concordance to "Dance of the Crippled Nerve." They should have a similar feel. They both mostly exhibit my composition style, which is why I am posting them first.I'm not sure about "fading out" the ending. I think it's so cheesy. I very much welcome any suggestions.

Reflect - The Immersed Sudarium

I feel that this is really disconnected. It feels like a bunch of themes thrown one after another. Also that drone synth is really bothering me, especially in the middle, it's really exposed and in your face. I don't like that. Also, I think that some drums would make a fine addition to this, it would at least give it some direction. Like this, I really have no idea what's going on or what is to come. I think there are some really solid themes and harmonic development in here, but it just wasn't executed properly. The bass line is surprisingly nice.

Thats pretty much it, find a way to make the parts flow from one into another, add some drums and in my opinion you have a really nice kind of prog-rock piece.

Yes. It should have drums, I just haven't gotten around to writing them yet. Thank you so much for the advice. I'm not sure what to do with it structurally because I've already grown accustomed to the way everything flows and find it difficult to revise. However, I would like to look into the synth issue you mentioned. Also, having a real recording, which is hopefully soon to come, will fix a lot of the disconnectedness, unless you're otherwise referring to the piece's form. If so, what are some suggestions you have that I can work with regarding the form?

Thanks!

To start with the good, I really like the end, from about 3:14 onwards, the buildup is quite exiting, drums would help, especially if they also only come in after a bit (I know this has been discussed), but even without drums it's cool. So that is almost 2 of the 5 mins that I really do like.

As for the rest, it's pretty boring. The first bit could work if it was background music to a suspenseful scene in a film, but standing alone it just goes on for too long to really count as buildup. Also, the changes between the sections are somewhat rough, which I like at 3:14 (although I don't like what precedes it), but in some places it's just not effective.

The fadeout is OK, but you have such a good buildup that a climactic ending would be very effective.

What would I do? Condense everything before 3:14 into a more melodic version of itself, and shorten it a bit.

Hope that helps.