The Story of the the First Butterflies (WIP)

This work is a work in progress. I can envision this to being a very large scale work - based on the subject matter.

For the opening, here is what I've done so far.

I wanted to simplify all material at first - giving a sense of primordial omnipotence (the embodiment of the Great Spirit.) The material here is very sparse - no more than the following notes: C, G, Bb, F. As the work progresses into the 10th bar.. I introduce an A and a D. The opening represents the Great Spirits ponderance on what he will create - in line with the first paragraph of the myth. Towards the end, you get the creation of grass, prairie flowers and, in the strings, the ocean. The brass towards the end are beginning of the creation of the mountains - I plan on expanding on the material there. Tell me what you think so far - this work is FAR from done!

I'd like comments to see if the overall tone of the opening is conducive to the concepts of Creation.

You can read the myth here.

.pdf]

Write more before posting. There's hardly anything to comment on yet.

I hope you plan on adding stuff post measure 21.

Incomplete Works; Writer's Block and Suggestions

Just making sure that says what I think it says....

Yes I realize that, but there's hardly anything there to comment on it if you plan on this thing being a very large piece. Its if you commissioned cake to be built and the baker asked you to come into the bakery and see the dry mix for the batter. That's not very helpful. Jus sayin' :) Keep writing! Show us some stuff when you have a significant chunk of it done. I.e. have some confidence in your music rather than bringing out barely a seed of it for comment.

Yes I realize that, but there's hardly anything there to comment on it if you plan on this thing being a very large piece. Its if you commissioned cake to be built and the baker asked you to come into the bakery and see the dry mix for the batter. That's not very helpful. Jus sayin' :) Keep writing! Show us some stuff when you have a significant chunk of it done. I.e. have some confidence in your music rather than bringing out barely a seed of it for comment.

People post far shorter than this in the Incomplete Works and you don't say anything to them.... isn't that ironic??

People post far shorter than this in the Incomplete Works and you don't say anything to them.... isn't that ironic??

No, but if this thing is supposed to be so large, then give us a slightly bigger piece before showing. That's all. Why do you make a big stink of it every time?

No, but if this thing is supposed to be so large, then give us a slightly bigger piece before showing. That's all. Why do you make a big stink of it every time?

I'm not making a big stink. I posted this for peoples comments on the opening feeling they got from it NOT to have a facetious comment posted about it not being substantially large enough to merit any comment. It's a 2 minute opening..... how much more do you need to comment on it?

First off I think it has potential, it all hangs on the bigger picture.

I don't really feel any direction in terms of dynamics, register, rhythm or harmony. It's basically very static. I'm not sure that the transition from the tutti to only violins in bar 16 will sound convincing. If you want that kind of "drop" then maybe you could put more thought into it. As it is now it gives the impression kind of like trying to start a car but it fails so you turn the key again to try again to get it rolling.

You did seem to have a fairly strong idea of what everything represents. Maybe you have a thought behind the static feeling in the beginning, if so I'd suggest putting in more different dynamics and maybe start out with less orchestration at first so you can add more variety through instrumental colors. Otherwise I suggest that you could try increase the direction forward somehow, there are lots of ways to do this of course. Maybe this could mean the "Great Spirit" gets more and more excited as he starts closing in on what to create?

Increasing rhytmic activiy is always an effective approach, or maybe you could go with increasing dissance but that might not suit your intent in this piece (or at least not in this passage). A third approach could be to "build out" the register of the orchestra by starting at middle c for example and expand the register in both directions by adding instruments. Everything can be combined of course.

I hope I gave some helpful advice, keep going on this. As I said it looks promising. :)

I don't really feel any direction in terms of dynamics, register, rhythm or harmony. It's basically very static. I'm not sure that the transition from the tutti to only violins in bar 16 will sound convincing. If you want that kind of "drop" then maybe you could put more thought into it. As it is now it gives the impression kind of like trying to start a car but it fails so you turn the key again to try again to get it rolling.

You did seem to have a fairly strong idea of what everything represents. Maybe you have a thought behind the static feeling in the beginning, if so I'd suggest putting in more different dynamics and maybe start out with less orchestration at first so you can add more variety through instrumental colors. Otherwise I suggest that you could try increase the direction forward somehow, there are lots of ways to do this of course. Maybe this could mean the "Great Spirit" gets more and more excited as he starts closing in on what to create?

Increasing rhytmic activiy is always an effective approach, or maybe you could go with increasing dissance but that might not suit your intent in this piece (or at least not in this passage). A third approach could be to "build out" the register of the orchestra by starting at middle c for example and expand the register in both directions by adding instruments. Everything can be combined of course.

I hope I gave some helpful advice, keep going on this. As I said it looks promising.

Well, the static opening represents the initial energy... the ether - to borrow an oft misquoted phrase. I wanted it to be sort of a stasis, hence why I chose such a limited note set. I do see what you mean though in the next paragraph... perhaps start with a sustained C and then build out from there.... very nice idea, I'm going to try that most definitely!

Here is the latest file. I've taken the suggestion of j.hall and created a rather large introduction starting with a resonant C. From there, I move towards the original material posted yesterday! I rather like the way it works actually - wonderful suggestion! TY j.hall. I have also set up the full length of the piece measure wise. I'm projecting roughly 310 measures! Any other suggestions?

(I am having a horrible time with the rendering and playback in my version of Finale - SO, this does NOT have human playback activated. If anyone has Finale 2009 or later, I'd be interested if you would like to render with human playback for me - NOTE: the mp3 file is not with Human Playback so a lot of my markings in the score are NOT going to appear in the rendering, I apologize!)

bump

Here is the final version of the introduction (at this time, I might decide to change some minor things here and there!) I finally got Finale to do human playback!! For those who have listened to previous versions of this, you'll take note that I've significantly changed many things so far! I am really stuck to this version - and am now ready to move on. Any more comments are always welcome and appreciated! <3

Finale 2009 - Story of the First Butterflies.pdf.pdf]

butterfly.mp3

I agree wholeheartedly with j.hall here. I don't know how it was before, but the opening is quite interesting (only after a while though I must say). It almost feels minimalistic which is a nice touch, but I do like to have some variation in colour. Might be cliche but start with fewer instruments in lower register and work yourself up from there. The chords and sounds are all there, now time to decorate it.

I like the transition to the m57 part - mind you, the difference between the first and second part, not the transition itself which is rather... hollow might I say? I think this would benefit from something like that first part suggestion: less instruments in lower register and soft, and increasingly more instruments in all different registers and quite loud. Like that first part, but only in miniature (2 or 3 bars). I think this could work quite nicely. A sort of mirror image but only in a far shorter timespan. And then a very allegro vivace with some force for the second part (starting from m57).

I don't like the melody in m61. Too clean, too innocent and nonprovocative. If you are depicting butterflies, why not make them 6 ft tall and as impressively beautiful as you think of their creator (I am supposing this is a God and you are religious? if not, then still make this melody something worth the wait of the first part).

Just some thoughts... :)

I agree wholeheartedly with j.hall here. I don't know how it was before, but the opening is quite interesting (only after a while though I must say). It almost feels minimalistic which is a nice touch, but I do like to have some variation in colour. Might be cliche but start with fewer instruments in lower register and work yourself up from there. The chords and sounds are all there, now time to decorate it.

Well, what you hear here is a complete rewrite from what j.hall heard and commented on - and in that rewrite I took his comments and really ran with them. I'm going to tinker with the orchestration some - not a whole lot, I pretty enamored and stuck on this part of the piece.

I like the transition to the m57 part - mind you, the difference between the first and second part, not the transition itself which is rather... hollow might I say? I think this would benefit from something like that first part suggestion: less instruments in lower register and soft, and increasingly more instruments in all different registers and quite loud. Like that first part, but only in miniature (2 or 3 bars). I think this could work quite nicely. A sort of mirror image but only in a far shorter timespan. And then a very allegro vivace with some force for the second part (starting from m57).

I don't like the melody in m61. Too clean, too innocent and nonprovocative. If you are depicting butterflies, why not make them 6 ft tall and as impressively beautiful as you think of their creator (I am supposing this is a God and you are religious? if not, then still make this melody something worth the wait of the first part).

57 to the end is not entirely complete yet - I will probably rewrite and change this transition a lot. At this point, I'm only at the second paragraph of the myth! That's a LONG way from the introduction of the first butterflies. Stay tuned though.... I'm sure that this part of the work will probably change significantly from what I've got here.