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cloud10000    3

this is the piece I newly composed, hope everyone like it.

Edited by cloud10000
for some adjustment
MP3
0:00
0:00
PDF

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ilv    32

Good job overall. Keep it up. A few little suggestions that might make the piece more pleasing to the ear:
1. At 1:38, I would use the 2nd inversion of the dominant 7th chord for E-flat major rather than the first inversion tonic triad of D-flat major. It'll sound more pleasing, I feel. Also applies at 10:32 and 10:47.
2. At 2:10, there seems to be a C natural and a C flat played at once. I suggest using all C-flats.
3. At 2:35, I suggest you change the G natural in the melody line to a G-flat or tweak the chords.
4. At 5:00, I suggest changing the C-flats to C-naturals for a better entrance into the major key.
5. This is not a necessary change, but a nice one. Personally, I would change the A-flat4 at 7:5 to an A-natural4.
6. At 7:10, I suggest changing the C-flat in the pizzicato line to a D-flat.
7. At 7:25, the B-natural sounds a little clashy. How about a B-flat instead?
8. At 9:41, there's an F-sharp in the bass line and it sounds a little clashy. How about an F-natural?
9. At 10:3 I suggest changing the G-natural in the bass to an A-flat.

Edited by ilv

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maestrowick    103

this piece is catchy.  That's a great thing.  My biggest gripe is where is the counterpoint in the first two minutes?  You have these beautiful melodic lines but no support for it.

 

Meas. 15:  If you are going to consider that a counterpoint, mp is not going to cut for the piccolo and flute.  That range is NOT going to project over the orchestra.

 

Just a few thoughts

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