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Sahil Sidhu    0

A new symphony friends. Enjoy and please give feedback as I want to make my works better! Have a good day. :)

Edited by Sahil Sidhu
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Mark101    12

Hello Sahil,

This is quite nice, you've done a good job of creating the piece and I like it.  (It does suffer with the sound set, but that's nothing to do with the composition itself).  As far as the composition goes, it really could do to be slowed down just a tad, things rush by too quickly to really take in the details.  Also I think that whilst I do like what you have done, it's very (and I hate to use this word) pastiche.  That is to say that there is very little that sounds like you, a new composer if you know what I mean.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with writing music like this as a tool for learning the craft of composition, and it is VERY hard to write something completely original these days, especially if like me, you like to write tonal music, it's all been done before and I too suffer greatly from this impediment.

This is the first movement, have you got the second and third on the way?

You have some good bones here, so I would suggest going back into it and firstly slowing it down a bit, and then seeing what you can do to really put your own voice into it. It's obvious that you have a love of classical music and probably listen to lots of it, so when you listen to your own work, try to hear what sounds like something that you've already heard in other composers works, and see if you can put your own twist on it.  A classic example would be the very last bars of you piece, how many times have you heard a finale written exactly like it?

Regards

Mark

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ilv    32

Good job overall. A few things to loot at:
I like how you start calm and increase the intensity by adding more instruments. An upward scale in the bass and a downward scale in the treble at once sounds a little awkward. Occurs at other repetitions of this theme.
0:16 and 0:27: F3 and G4 do not go together, awkward
0:19 and 0:32: awkward
0:37: A4 doesn't belong
0:50 and 1:12: E6 sounds a bit awkward here
0:57: A4 sounds awkward here, there should be a D4
1:7: baseline does not match other notes harmonically
1:18: there's a little gap in the horn part
1:21-1:26: this figure should only repeat twice
1:22 and 1:25: A preferred over B
1:35: A and D do not fit here, use G, B and E instead
1:37: awkward
1:40: the coda of the exposition could start here, everything from 1:40-1:56 should be replaced or removed
2:24 and 2:34: B-flat3 vs A3
2:26 and 2:39: after the trill, it would be nice to return immediately to the tonic chord of B-flat major
2:26-2:30 and 2:40-2:43: unnecessary material
2:36: A doesn't belong
2:37: extra note somewhere (can't be identified)
2:51: D vs C
3:11: it would be nice to transition from ii6 to V56/V would last half as long
3:14: awkward
The horn duet could be more harmonious when there's only one note. It can also have more motion at the end.
3:30, 3:33, 3:51 and 3:54: D5 vs E5
3:34-3:40: unnecessary material, that is an exact repetition of the previous figure
3:42: awkward harmony
3:46: B-flat2 vs C3
3:46-3:47: this figure can repeat twice and end on the tonic chord of F- major
3:48: unnecessary extension of C major chord
3:56-4:0 awkward
4:12: tonic chord after trill, already discussed
4:13-4:16: unnecessary material
4:18 and 4:20: C vs G as the lowest note
4:22: extension of the F major chord rather than a repeat of the V-I cadence

Edited by ilv
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