bored_comedy Posted January 30, 2023 Share Posted January 30, 2023 I know, I know. Some might know me for my underwhelming piano "pieces". As a result, I chose to write an even more underwhelming non-solo piece! This was for an assignment for my English class. I enjoyed making it and thought that it was pleasant(-ish). Don't expect sophisticated harmonies or proper phrasing! 🙂 But please, do tell me how to improve upon it (especially the ending. I wanted it to sound more...more "bouncier" and bombastic!) MP3 Play / pause JavaScript is required. 0:00 0:00 volume > next menu An_Argument_In_the_Form_of_An_Orchestra_-_Ahmed_Mohammed > next PDF An_Argument_In_the_Form_of_An_Orchestra_-_Ahmed_Mohammed 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Henry Ng Tsz Kiu Posted January 30, 2023 Share Posted January 30, 2023 Hi @bored_comedy, That's quite a funny listening. Quite a heterophonic opening and disturbed by that scary interlude in b.12. Will the bassoon accompaniment in b.21 too pianistic and doesn't provide time for breathing? I am not sure about that. I love the middle sections when more parts joined. But I find bars with mere tremolos chord quite bare, and I think the retransition in b.32 quite abrupt actually, and we suddenly return to the realm of tonality without enough preparation. What is the intended length of the piece for your assignment? I think you can develop the middle section longer! For the orchestral writing, I think the pizzicato for a semibreve length inapplicable at the end for the violin. I find the tremolo markings on piano and horn strange. I don't know about horn, but it's weird to see tremolo marking for piano. 1 hour ago, bored_comedy said: especially the ending. I wanted it to sound more...more "bouncier" and bombastic! If you want it bombastic, first you should use ff! Include all the instruments like timpani and tuba. A tuba will bombard it with its heavy chords! Use arco for the violins! You can add trumpet and trombone at the end if you want! For the instrumental choice, violin acts as the soprano and alto, Horn alto, Bassoon tenor and bass, Tuba bass, piano all through them and timpani the percussion. Of course it will be nice to use the standard orchestra but this is fine for me! If you want a longer piece you can for sure develop the main theme more! Thanks for sharing! Henry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bored_comedy Posted January 30, 2023 Author Share Posted January 30, 2023 Quote That's quite a funny listening. Quite a heterophonic opening and disturbed by that scary interlude in b.12. Ah yes. The French national anthem was used. It's really catchy (part of the reason why I chose it), but it also served a greater purpose in the realm of the assignment. The part where it is interrupted was supposed to be quite abrupt. In fact, I wish I changed time signatures as well to confuse the listener even more. Quote Will the bassoon accompaniment in b.21 too pianistic and doesn't provide time for breathing? I am not sure about that. This is a valid remark. I didn't think of that when writing this. 😅 Quote I love the middle sections when more parts joined. But I find bars with mere tremolos chord quite bare... I've been told this. I tried to recreate an unsettling feeling. More like Charles Ives's The Unanswered Question. Unfortunately, it appears that I missed the mark, and ended up composing a boring section. I've been told that this section was quite uninteresting as well, and I see why that is. Quote ...and I think the retransition in b.32 quite abrupt actually, and we suddenly return to the realm of tonality without enough preparation. The intention was to increase the tension (especially with the piano tremolos) to the point that no hope of going back to tonality exists. Then, after a really short pause, a new theme plays. In the very moment that all hope is lost, a new theme plays. That was the intention, but, again, it appears that I did not recreate what I intended to happen. Any ideas on how to fix this? Quote What is the intended length of the piece for your assignment? I think you can develop the middle section longer! There is no required length. It's an open assignment where I could've done anything, and I chose to write a piece. The reason it's so short is because 1) I ran out of time 🙂 and 2) I really don't know what more to do with that middle section. I do get your point, though. Quote If you want it bombastic, first you should use ff! Include all the instruments like timpani and tuba. A tuba will bombard it with its heavy chords! Use arco for the violins! You can add trumpet and trombone at the end if you want! For the instrumental choice, violin acts as the soprano and alto, Horn alto, Bassoon tenor and bass, Tuba bass, piano all through them and timpani the percussion. Of course it will be nice to use the standard orchestra but this is fine for me! These are all very fine and valuable feedback, thank you. I'll try to see what I can do with my current piece, and if I'm ever going to be able to return to it. Quote If you want a longer piece you can for sure develop the main theme more! By the main theme, what part are you hinting at? Do you mean the French national anthem or the second theme (my personal favorite ;]) Thank you for the valuable feedback! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Omicronrg9 Posted January 30, 2023 Share Posted January 30, 2023 LOL, curious way of starting a tune. It's also curious that you get such assignments on the English class. Jokes and curiosities aside, the piece is perhaps too contrasting. It begins like a parody of sorts to the national anthem and becomes, via a questionable transition, another totally different tune. This isn't necessarily bad though, but I might sum to some suggestions made by Henry. Apart from that, this is the last piece I will possibly listen to today and I'm glad to have stumbled upon it despite my mixed feelings here and there. Keep composing! Kind regards, Daniel–Ømicrón. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luis Hernández Posted January 30, 2023 Share Posted January 30, 2023 Apart from the funny atmosphere, there is craftmanship in the writing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bored_comedy Posted January 31, 2023 Author Share Posted January 31, 2023 Thanks so much Luis! This piece ended being more liked than I was expecting it to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bored_comedy Posted January 31, 2023 Author Share Posted January 31, 2023 Quote LOL, curious way of starting a tune. It's also curious that you get such assignments on the English class. Jokes and curiosities aside, the piece is perhaps too contrasting. It begins like a parody of sorts to the national anthem and becomes, via a questionable transition, another totally different tune. This isn't necessarily bad though, but I might sum to some suggestions made by Henry. Apart from that, this is the last piece I will possibly listen to today and I'm glad to have stumbled upon it despite my mixed feelings here and there. Keep composing! Kind regards, Daniel–Ømicrón. Hah! Thanks for the kind words, Daniel. I really moved out of my comfort area doing this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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