Coda of my 40 mins movement (Finale movement)

So, maybe need some opinions? 
also I know it is sometimes jarring...
P.S. there are huge numbers of reference to earlier movements/earlier section, especially the end.

Hey Michael,

Sorry for my relatively rate reply.

I like, again, your minimalistic approach.

I find the snare drum not match with the piano and organ at all in the beginning. For me it's a strange timbre. I think at least a timpani with muffled stick will be better.

It should also be noted that a piano may be overwhelmed by an organ in real life!

Then in 2:09 you are starting a canon. I think the canon is not well executed as the notes are crushing each other in minor 2nds, and the parts are in different harmonies. In a canon you will have to artfully use the possible chords of a note for canon. For example a dominant can be the 5th of tonic chord or the root of dominant chord, or the 3rd of mediant. 

Then for the sonata rondo in 3:59. You are going for a fugal 1st subject which is good. Where is the exact spot of the structural points? I'm kind of getting lost here tbh. For me to end on G major is strange tho when the previous passages are all in A major and related keys. Why do you end here?

Thanks for sharing!

Henry

17 minutes ago, Henry Ng Tsz Kiu said:

Hey Michael,

Sorry for my relatively rate reply.

I like, again, your minimalistic approach.

I find the snare drum not match with the piano and organ at all in the beginning. For me it's a strange timbre. I think at least a timpani with muffled stick will be better.

It should also be noted that a piano may be overwhelmed by an organ in real life!

Then in 2:09 you are starting a canon. I think the canon is not well executed as the notes are crushing each other in minor 2nds, and the parts are in different harmonies. In a canon you will have to artfully use the possible chords of a note for canon. For example a dominant can be the 5th of tonic chord or the root of dominant chord, or the 3rd of mediant. 

Then for the sonata rondo in 3:59. You are going for a fugal 1st subject which is good. Where is the exact spot of the structural points? I'm kind of getting lost here tbh. For me to end on G major is strange tho when the previous passages are all in A major and related keys. Why do you end here?

Thanks for sharing!

Henry

 

The G Major is actually referring to the 1st movement, where I starts in G Major, but ends in E Minor.

It's a completion to the whole work, but the ending is rush, I know. I basically just put the bones. 

The structural point, actually I was thinking of a complex ABA form originally, so you can see I have marked 2 expositions and a development inside the so called exposition. But then I lost my idea and just get with a weirdly put towards the whole tone theme.

I do aware of the the organ part. I'm doing this because the recording would be recorded separately as organ and piano when I was planning this and discussing the work with my collaborator (Yes, it is actually a collaborative work), then mixing them together afterwards. Thus you could see some parts where the organ clearly would just cover the piano.

The snare drum is meant to be not aligned with piano or organ, as it could let listeners spot the misalignment and to be aware of snares (it has so low presence to the piece that I actually want to compensate it here)

We can't find a timpanist, so nah, no timpani.

50 minutes ago, SisselOnline said:

The G Major is actually referring to the 1st movement, where I starts in G Major, but ends in E Minor.

Yup it's hard to review without the context. But even it refers to the 1st mov you don't necessarily have the G major here; only the material but in A major will be fine (and this transcends the materials bt raising a tone, isn't it?), since your modulation here for me is quite abrupt.

51 minutes ago, SisselOnline said:

It's a completion to the whole work, but the ending is rush, I know. I basically just put the bones. 

Yup and the details are missing! You can add more dynamic markings too!

53 minutes ago, SisselOnline said:

The structural point, actually I was thinking of a complex ABA form originally, so you can see I have marked 2 expositions and a development inside the so called exposition. But then I lost my idea and just get with a weirdly put towards the whole tone theme.

Yup it's getting too complex to the point of lost here, I agree with you.

55 minutes ago, SisselOnline said:

do aware of the the organ part. I'm doing this because the recording would be recorded separately as organ and piano when I was planning this and discussing the work with my collaborator (Yes, it is actually a collaborative work), then mixing them together afterwards. Thus you could see some parts where the organ clearly would just cover the piano.

Yup I know this is a collaborative work as commissioned by DFiacco, just make sure the piano will not be overwhelmef wi be fine if they are not going to be playec together in real life.

57 minutes ago, SisselOnline said:

The snare drum is meant to be not aligned with piano or organ, as it could let listeners spot the misalignment and to be aware of snares (it has so low presence to the piece that I actually want to compensate it here)

For me I think the snare drum doesn't match at all. The snare drum is punching but the organ is like a huge woodwind.