Weird chamber thingo

This is my current compositional assignment - the task is to write something of 20th century style for a chamber group that is at least 32 bars.

What do people think?

How could i improve existing content?

How could i expand the length of the piece.

This piece, at times, sounds very tonal. It is not that tonality has disappeared in contemporary music, but in my opinion there is a tendency to write tonally, which shows that there is no mastery of contemporary languages, which are not easy at all.
Contemporary systems are, precisely, organized systems. It is not enough to write freely, but one has to frame oneself in a language.
The double notes to fifths on the cello I think are not a good thing. On the one hand, they should not be easy, on the other hand, it is in a very low register, although tolerable if they are fifths.
 

Hi @malumCompositor,

I agree with Luis on the style and harmonic language of the excerpt. I think you are trying to use contemporary style in it but inserting some dissonant and tone clash at the beginning like b.3, but it's more like adding extended notes base on tonal harmony, since the music begins in F minor and modulate to its dominant  C minor which is indeed very functional. In contemporary music major and minor chords appear but the functionality, like the Tonic-predominant-dominant-tonic progression, can disappear.

I agree with Luis that the fifths for the cello will be difficult to play, even though they are feasible. 

On 8/24/2023 at 10:15 AM, malumCompositor said:

How could i expand the length of the piece.

You are using a motivic approach here to quote the opening 0-1-5 set motive in b.9, for example. You can definitely try using different forms of that set for coherence in a 20th century sense, like making it an inversion C-B-G, retrograde  F-Db-C for new themes, which you have already done in b.14 with the retrograde-inversion C-Ab-G. 

Henry