I wrote some variations on Dies Irae for string quartet

I haven't quite been feeling the compositional drive recently, but I did try writing something for one of the informal group competitions over on MuseScore that I'd thought I'd share here as well. I would have definitely liked to write more variations but I was kinda lazy and went with three, which I hope contrast well with each other. I'm always revising my work, so is there anything that you like/dislike about this? As a pianist, I'm also not good at composing for string instruments (this is my...second ever attempt at a string quartet work?) and would be happy to receive feedback on my string writing too! I feel like I may have been too enthusiastic with the slurs and probably should remove a bunch of them...

Variations on Dies Irae.pdf

I LOVE variations. Webern isn't necessarily my favorite composer musically, but philosophically, the ability to say a lot with a little is definitely my style. I think you've done the same thing here.

That being said, I'd actually suggest you make the Theme a little longer. Even Paganini's 24th Caprice theme has a clear A and a B section despite being so short and I think it really helps to balance the rest of the piece. Whether or not you incorporate it a lot into the other variations is up to you, obviously, but starting with something a little fuller might be nice. Who knows, you appear to be proficient enough to maybe even try to see if you can notice any commonalities in your variations and derive a B-section theme from  that; that would be super cool if you could.

Generally speaking, this is super wonderful to listen to, you should be very happy with it! I'm always a sucker for good counterpoint, so I think I like Variation 1 the best, but Variation 2 had so much beautiful stuff (see below). One of the hardest things composers struggle with (myself included!) is balancing moving lines and harmony and you have an excellent command of it!

Other stupid taste things that my ears caught when listening:

Theme, mm. 5–6: The contrapuntal lines of both V1 and V2 in m. 5 feel like they should convene and the jump in V2 feels a little sudden. A small figure to support that upwards movement could help.

Var 1, m. 26: It could just be the soundfont, but is there any way you can throw a G in there? The <F, Bb, C> progression feels oddly quartal amidst the rest of the tonality. 

Var 1, m. 51: The parallel minor ninths between V2 and Cello that "resolve" to the octave feel a little odd to me, maybe because the supported harmony isn't particularly clear either (not that that's a bad thing). Like, the cello seems to want to support ii˚6, but the upper voices are on v. 

Var 2, mm. 1–2: In contrast, I love the parallel major sevenths between the cello and viola at the beginning of this variation. Such a strong and confident opening gambit.

Var 2, mm. 5, 15: Maybe you're looking for "portamento" in the cello? If I saw glissando, I would think the entire dotted quarter's length would be spent sliding. 

Var 2, mm. 8–9: Love the little V1 figure! Could be pizz. for a little extra definition?

Var 2, mm. 21–end: This is so wonderful. My body got chills and the contrast is so well set-up that the big change felt effortless. Well done! For the cello, if might be worth specifying if you want a rolled pizz. or not, because they'll see that and ask.

Var 3: Someone listened to Ravel's quartet, eh? I think, here, the contrast between the tremolo and the rest of it works well, but could be better supported for contrast. The fifth movement of the Ravel, for example, keeps a little tremolo (or basically tremolo) figure throughout to keep that energy up. Even if you don't do that, a line that moves some more would help set the contrast a little better, in my ears—maybe not even the first time, but the second time? Like, the second movement of Symphonie fantastique does that implicitly with a second melody that is inherently faster, with 16th notes.

Ah thanks so much @Monarcheon for your comments/feedback/thoughts! It's rare that I get this much to digest in one go, but I'm not complaining if my steak is too juicy and my lobster too buttery.

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That being said, I'd actually suggest you make the Theme a little longer. Even Paganini's 24th Caprice theme has a clear A and a B section despite being so short and I think it really helps to balance the rest of the piece. Whether or not you incorporate it a lot into the other variations is up to you, obviously, but starting with something a little fuller might be nice. Who knows, you appear to be proficient enough to maybe even try to see if you can notice any commonalities in your variations and derive a B-section theme from that; that would be super cool if you could.

That's a good point you bring up. I did originally want to go for a much longer/expansive theme and variations piece (I think I had this one in mind as the model), but, as a chronic procrastinator, I think I rushed to try to squeeze it in—at the cost of something more substantial—for that competition. Now that that's over and I've realised the futility of arbitrary deadlines, I feel like I can put quite a bit more effort into this. I really like your suggestion about trying to back-engineer extra sections of the theme so I'll be going through my current variations with a fine-toothed comb shortly...

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Var 2, mm. 8–9: Love the little V1 figure! Could be pizz. for a little extra definition?

Oh yes, I think that'd work very well, I'm gonna put that in! I was thinking something raindroppy for that accompaniment and this definitely suits it.

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Theme, mm. 5–6: The contrapuntal lines of both V1 and V2 in m. 5 feel like they should convene and the jump in V2 feels a little sudden. A small figure to support that upwards movement could help.

Hmm, I think I see what you mean about the jump, if I presume you're talking about the octave B-to-B? I did think it was a bit iffy when I wrote it so I'm gonna see if I can write a few other versions. Did you mean you felt as if V1 and V2 should convene in bar 5? I'm not sure if this is related, but during my earlier drafting process I did actually think of having all the instruments settle on E in the last bar, so this particular version felt a bit odd to me with V2 falling to G at the end. I'll try expanding the theme and seeing what works best...

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Var 2, mm. 5, 15: Maybe you're looking for "portamento" in the cello? If I saw glissando, I would think the entire dotted quarter's length would be spent sliding. 

Var 2, mm. 21–end: This is so wonderful. My body got chills and the contrast is so well set-up that the big change felt effortless. Well done! For the cello, if might be worth specifying if you want a rolled pizz. or not, because they'll see that and ask.

Yes, definitely, that is what I meant, I seem to have forgotten what that was called! I'll go in and edit that, as well as the rolled pizzicato thing, which I also probably want with the viola. I'm also super happy to hear that b. 21 onwards worked because at the time I wrote it I felt it might have been too disjunct from the rest of that variation. Is it convention to mark a rolled pizz. with an arpeggio line, or something else? I probably want the viola and cello in contrary motion, with the viola up (with the regular arpeggio marking or the one with the arrow), the cello down, and the violins coinciding with the last note only. I like the first option à la Scriabin's Eighth Sonata, but I'm not sure if that might be misinterpreted:

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Var 1, m. 51: The parallel minor ninths between V2 and Cello that "resolve" to the octave feel a little odd to me, maybe because the supported harmony isn't particularly clear either (not that that's a bad thing). Like, the cello seems to want to support ii˚6, but the upper voices are on v. 

Also one of the things I noticed! I remember coming up that rising chromatic line and really digging it, but I must've forgotten that I was tiptoeing around the dominant in the other instruments. Although I'm pretty sure I liked the dissonance that came out of that, the resolution didn't seem very satisfying...I did a small shuffling around that probably works better?

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Var 3: Someone listened to Ravel's quartet, eh? I think, here, the contrast between the tremolo and the rest of it works well, but could be better supported for contrast. The fifth movement of the Ravel, for example, keeps a little tremolo (or basically tremolo) figure throughout to keep that energy up. Even if you don't do that, a line that moves some more would help set the contrast a little better, in my ears—maybe not even the first time, but the second time? Like, the second movement of Symphonie fantastique does that implicitly with a second melody that is inherently faster, with 16th notes.

I'm certainly the least satisfied with this variation—maybe because I churned it out the fastest, lol—and I agree with your sentiment on the tremolo, contrast, etc. I thought the transitions into the B section and from the B section back into the tremolo were particularly poor, so that'll also need redoing. I'll probably rework it to give it more of a Prestissimo finale/final movement feel (I have a feeling I want to keep this as the last variation and fill the other variations in between) and give more time for the flittering to settle in before moving onto the slow B section, which I thought probably came in too early.

Time to get cracking once all my exams are over...