Jazz song name undetermined

Well I was just curious to see what people thought of this piece I've got so far. I personally think its a bit to cluttered and that if I finish it as is it will be boring.

It goes Prelude. A-bridge-B-A-Bridge-C(Bmaj Melody)-A(dif. Key)-B

I've got all the way up the C part finished and I was curious to see what people thought of it as this is my first Jazz Band composition.

I agree...cluttered.

Lose the quarter-note piano background during the into - I'd like to hear it as a more open, flowing, rubato section. Let the sax lead dictate the pulse. Then, they can set the tempo for the rest of the ensemble. The chunky pulse muddies it up.

Otherwise, a little more clarity would be cool - there's a lot going on, several counterlines, passed from one voice to another. Simplicity and clarity are often ignored, but to composers they're our most important tool. Use more contrasting colours to clean it up a bit - with a lot of moving lines, balance it out with more long pads; with a flowing legato melody, punctuate it with some rhythmic backgrounds. With too many similar things going on, it's hard for the ear to discern, and sounds cluttered, and messy. Don't thin it out, necessarily, but make each line distinct and important on its own....

Your form seems a little drawn out as well - but perhaps it'll all make sense overall.

...just some thoughts.

Do you listen to much jazz?

Agreed - the sustained stuff d/n work well. But as ^ pointed out, you can maintain some of the thick harmony by just throwing it into moving lines played by distinct colors/instrument sections. A trumpet instructor I once had told about one really easy way to write a jazz song.

Step 1: Write one melody, give it to one section.

Step 2: Write a counter melody, augment it up a tritone, and give it to another instrument section.

Step 3: Give the 'Bops' and 'Buh duh dah dahts' to the final section.

When you've got more stuff going on, keep the parts in unison. Notes rubbing up against each other b/w sections works really well when played by two different color tones... Otherwise, check out some recent jazz recordings/charts, as they should give you a good idea of what I'm talking about.

I agree...cluttered.

Lose the quarter-note piano background during the into - I'd like to hear it as a more open, flowing, rubato section. Let the sax lead dictate the pulse. Then, they can set the tempo for the rest of the ensemble. The chunky pulse muddies it up.

Otherwise, a little more clarity would be cool - there's a lot going on, several counterlines, passed from one voice to another. Simplicity and clarity are often ignored, but to composers they're our most important tool. Use more contrasting colours to clean it up a bit - with a lot of moving lines, balance it out with more long pads; with a flowing legato melody, punctuate it with some rhythmic backgrounds. With too many similar things going on, it's hard for the ear to discern, and sounds cluttered, and messy. Don't thin it out, necessarily, but make each line distinct and important on its own....

Your form seems a little drawn out as well - but perhaps it'll all make sense overall.

...just some thoughts.

Do you listen to much jazz?

Thanks for the posts guys. I really appreciate it.

Alas, I don't listen to alot of Jazz. Some but I wouldn't say alot. I also have only glanced at the scores a couple of times, something I need to do more.

Anything you would suggest to listen to or study?

Hmmm, are you saying the polyrythm(intro) muddles it up in too much?

I totally agree with most of what you said.

A trumpet instructor I once had told about one really easy way to write a jazz song.

Step 1: Write one melody, give it to one section.

Step 2: Write a counter melody, augment it up a tritone, and give it to another instrument section.

Step 3: Give the 'Bops' and 'Buh duh dah dahts' to the final section.

What a terrible way to write jazz. Up a tritone? That dosn't really make any sense. I'd hope people writing jazz have a more organic method. Perhaps this is why a lot of new jazz sucks so much...

Alas, I don't listen to alot of Jazz. Some but I wouldn't say alot....

Anything you would suggest to listen to or study?

I have many suggestions...though they will be very different depending on what you want to check out. Going from what you've written I guess you feel an urge to write for larger ensembles? Here's some cats to check out:

Carla Bley (Big Band Theory)

Bob Brookmeyer (w. Thad Jones/Mel Lewis Big Band - Live at Village Vanguard)

Duke Ellington (Latin America Suite...or anything/everything else)

Thad Jones (New Life)

Charles Mingus (Black Saint and the Sinner Lady)

Maria Schneider (Evanessence)

Kenny Wheeler (Music For Large and Small Ensembles)

These are a few of the heavy writers and records I like...

The best thing you can do is listen and absorb as much music as possible...

...

Kenny Wheeler (Music For Large and Small Ensembles)

...

There is a book available that features the full score to the large ensemble. Recommended listening and study. (It is not easy to locate but I have a copy so I know it exists - sorry, not at home so ISBN not available)