Wow, there are some really colorful moments here! I love 4:00 - 5:00, it's like you treat the orchestra as a percussion instrument 🙂 Very very cool! Love the big unanticipated chord at 8:30 too.
Aw, lame, but I get it. I've been there, we are our own worst critics. I would have submitted anyway, it is quite good to me. Your score looks great too. I think the big changes you would want to do are better left alone, as you've done. Save those ideas for the next one. You can sit there and tinker with orchestra pieces forever, no shame in letting it be as is.
Watch your levels in the mix, you have a few spots where I hear distortion, but that's an easy fix. Around the 9 min mark is an example. I think it's brass?
Lovely piece, thanks for sharing! I've heard your music a few times now, I dig your style.