Freeze, Freeze Thou Bitter Sky

See new score and recording below...

Well, I hope no comments is a good thing........?!?!?!?!

Just a few issues with the voice parts. Slurs are usually only used to phrase sylables over more than one note. "Thou" is one sylable. Your part divisis need to be more clear. Your solo baritone is far too low for a baritone. It is full on bass range. Either revise or change it to a bass solo.

Can't comment on guitar writing because I don't play it.

The score looks really nice! Goes to show what Sibelius can do in the right hands.

I thought it was really good! The guitar adds a very "bard-ish" feel to it that most Shakespeare-based pieces don't have.

A couple of problems though. Some of the technical stuff is not correct. Like Mr. Tokke was saying, "thou" is only one syllable, so if you're going to do a run with it, it gets an extended underscore, not dashes. Also, the "Baritone" solo is way too low to be really called a baritone solo. Baritones typically don't go below a low B on average. Yours goes down to an F, which is more of a base part. You probably wrote the solo for yourself (I'm guessing) and you consider yourself a baritone part? It's totally fine, but consider calling it a "Base/Baritone Solo"

Um......the actual choral part is pretty short. If I could put my two cents in, the natural place to bring in the SATB (for me) would be at measure 20 right before the "heigh-ho".

I really do like it though. Keep up the good work!

One thing I do like about it is that it has a choral refrain; a great many popular songs from the nineteenth-century have them, even some that are performed without them now, particularly works of Stephen Foster and the like. However, your text is so short that you aren't able to bring it all around again. Nothing wrong with that, mind you. But if you had to, would you want to hear it all again? (rhetorical question)

That's one hell of a baritone that can sing all the way from low F to the D above middle C. I'd say that if he can get down to F, then he's a bass. Even good basses have a hard time getting up to the D, and if its a true baritone he might not be able to project 29-31very well, even if he stays in tune.

I have several problems with this passage - one, it's a lot of long note values to take with no breath, it starts even at 27, and by 30 you're asking for a rallentando - he'll already be turned blue by the time he gets there.

Two, is going down into the basement what kind of text painting you think fits the word "folly"? Admittedly, for some folks it would, ;)

Three, even if you went forward with this line and said "shut up Uncle Dave,' I still say you should score that melisma on the "o" of "folly' rather than "ll-y." "lly" should appear - God forbid - on the last whole note you've given this poor baritone after all that stuff in 27-30. I would do the same thing at the end; "fah" is a much stronger vowel than "lee."

"ll" isn't a very easy thing to sing with it's own note value by the way -- unless you're Welsh. :)

Also the two half notes held between m. 5-6: do they need to be held the whole duration? Consider a half held to a dotted quarter with an eighth rest, to give the singer a short breath there. He might take it anyway whether you write it in or not. The little interruption should not disturb the line as much as the pitch variability of a singer who's running out of breath will tend. Do not be afraid to break up the line some; it also assists enunciation of the text, though it seems as though you are matching text to a melodic line rather than the other way around. Both approaches are viable, but the latter - at least to me - seems more organic.

Apart from these things, I like the chorus a bit more than the solo, and all of the guitar writing seems assured. It reminds me of the kinds of Elizabethan settings that you might hear from John Renbourn, Fairport Convention or The Incredible String Band; intended as a compliment, though if you do not take such comparisons that way, I apologize in advance.

Uncle Dave Lewis

thanks all, especially uncle dave for the feedback:D:D!!! I revised the piece again, and feel that its done now. I might post the new score up soon; but im quite busy at the moment. thanks again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just doing a quick run through on your score, the guitar part looks fine but I notice some low D's which is perfectly fine and playable in Drop D tuning but you may want to indicate the tuning as such on the top of the score.

Also, you may get more comments if you post a MIDI. A lot of us here don't have the ability to imagine perfectly what a piece will sound like be looking at the score. :thumbsup:

nirvana69: i did have a link to an mp3, but deleted it when i accidentally edited my first comment.... my bad. CANNOT BELIEVE that i didnt put that it was d-tuned. how embarrassing....

Here is the revised score, finally. Thanks for everyone's feedback.

MP3: Freeze, Freeze Thou Bitter Sky.mp3

Freeze, Freeze Thou Bitter Sky Revised.pdf

hey zrphyr,

I must congratulate you on writing a piece like this.

okay, my sister said something like: "this melody changes modes super abruptly"

I mean, I never really stared at the score to verify that, but it hit me that your melodies, tho beautiful, does not enthral. hmm. The soloist's part.

The SATB was pretty. yeah.

good try! that was just a take from a listener tho. =)

Just as a response to previous comments: this is definitely for a bass singer. Any decent bass can reach the D above middle C, and baritone parts rarely go below Bb a ninth below middle C (and usually go up to G above middle C).

Thanks for more comments! I always get excited when i see new posts. About the abrupt mode changes; well, the piece isn't modal, but it does change from D minor to D major abruptly, which represents the change of mood of the text at that point. But your feedback on the soloists part is appreciated david, i do prefer the SATB part.

M_is_D: so could i still call it a bass-baritone part then? There is only really one phrase that enters true bass territory, and i would prefer a baritone voice for the part; i consider myself a baritone and i kinda wrote the solo part for me.

M_is_D: so could i still call it a bass-baritone part then? There is only really one phrase that enters true bass territory,

Not really. Bass territory can be within baritone territory as well, and some baritone territory within tenor territory, etc.

Also, just because you consider yourself a baritone it doesn't mean you are one. I don't know your voice, though, so I wouldn't know.

You can call it a bass-baritone part, but it won't make as much sense. It's very clearly a bass part.

okay. Will change it! Thanks

Hi Zephyr,

This is such a beautiful and original Neo-Renaissance piece!

I can imagine a minstrel playing this on a lute a long time ago in a medieval castle!

Really nice, and it ends with a well chosen "Picardy Third!"

Fred :cool:

Yes! Before writing this piece, i just knew that the tierce de picardie would finish the work!!!!!!!!!!