Lost Sparrow (Redone)

This is a more developed version of my Lost Sparrow theme. It's sufficiently different that I uploaded it again.I have ambivalent views towards what I've done here...but I'll let you judge how I've done.(Also, I realize that the strings would have to be split, and the pizz. distributed.)

Lost Sparrow (Redone)

This is a lovely piece; I love the unusual combination of instruments (especially the inclusion of the bells) and the beautiful sound they make together. The form is of a nice shape, gradually building to the section at mm. 58-65 then returning to the beginning. The texture, especially in the first part of the piece, is quite wonderful: I really like the quiet, rhythmic motion over which you hear light, percussive embellishments; they lend so much to the delicate atmosphere of the music.

(Some comments on notation--please ignore if the score is only a rough draft and not meant to be looked at so closely: ) I found the notation slightly difficult to read. Because the piece has a strong 4/4 pulse, the notation feels a little awkward in places like m. 2, where two 16ths are followed by a dotted quarter. Perhaps something like two 16ths followed by an 8th tied to a quarter might better show where the strong and weak beats fall. There also seems to be a few places where rests are missing, as in m. 4. Some of the rests could also be combined to form larger units: for example, the four 32nd rests in m. 10 could be replaced with one 8th rest. I think it would be good, once the music is finalized, to inspect the score closely for any readability/printing issues such as overlapping expressions and missing instrument names.

The length of the chord at Fine (m. 16) was a bit distracting the first time it was played; perhaps the fermata could be a "second-time-only" expression. I also found myself wanting a brief pause at D.S. al Fine (m. 69) before returning to the beginning, just to give the listener a little room to breathe and to think about what has transpired so far.

Great piece! I very much enjoyed listening to it.

Very restful piece I really enjoyed listening to this piece! Well-done. Thanks for sharing. -Minoxor.

Thank you both very much for listening and for the critiques! :D Much appreciated!

I like this. Your simplicity is very nice. One critique though, in addition to what was said above, I think you should try to move away from adding repeats to your sections. Let's see you utilize variation more when restating your ideas - to add a little more interest. Also, something I want to see a little from you is more adventurous harmony. I don't know, though... will that benefit you?

I like this. Your simplicity is very nice. One critique though, in addition to what was said above, I think you should try to move away from adding repeats to your sections. Let's see you utilize variation more when restating your ideas - to add a little more interest. Also, something I want to see a little from you is more adventurous harmony. I don't know, though... will that benefit you?

I think you're right about the repeats and about adding some more variations.

There are some pieces where I feel comfortable with experimenting with the harmony, and some where I don't. think harmony wise I'll just leave it as is, basically, but I appreciate the thought, as I have been in sort of shell, for the most part :)

Thanks for commenting, it's most helpful :D

Hey no pooping part?? you've got to be kidding me, you left it out? haha

It's a very atmospheric piece, in addition to the sparrow it also depicts the surroundings very nicely. I agree a bit on the harmony-critique and the repeats, but I didnt find them distracting. I liked the part where you build up the tension from 2:40-3:20 going from 16ths in the flute to the harp and then the piano. Then it became a bit much for my taste (by which i mostly mean the grace notes in the piano part), but maybe it's just the sound sample; it sounds so mechanical But it wouldnt be fair to critique you on that.

I enjoyed this piece, I think birds are a wonderfull source of inspiration in music.

One final remark:

m40 on the 4th beat (3:10-3:11 in audiofile) sounds like a minor second between the C# and D is recorded though not written out. If that was intended it actually sounds pretty good. And if not, it still does

Nope, no pooping part :P Haha!

Thank you for you critiques! The sound samples are a bit harsh, but I see what you mean: my family hates it when my music gets too "busy" too, as they call it :lol:

Again, thanks :)

I agree with royreintjes statements that this piece is extremely atmospheric and very well done with regards to evoking the imagery that you are trying to evoke. Also the way you use harmonies (progressions/voicings/dissonance) is varied and interesting throughout. However, at many moments I felt you extended phrases for too long and kept ideas going past their welcome without enough variation. Overall, however this is a beautiful piece that you should be proud of. Congrats!

Nice little piece here. A few things, though:

I realize that you said you're probably not going to change the harmonies, but, I do want to say they are a bit conventional and need to change from pretty much only I-IV chords! :P Another thing, I think it would have been better without the final repeat... just to add a last chord might have been nice. Lastly, the pizz. 16th notes in the viola are pretty unplayable. Very hard to do pizz. that fast.. you'd end up with a pizz. fizz! (I know it doesn't rhyme) :)

I like it though. Sounds very bird-like, especially with the flagolet. The orchestration is interesting. I like that. Don't ever think you have to do it one way! :D

Keep composing!

Heklaphone

Wow, this is such an "old" piece of mine :lol: I'm surprised to see it again! Nostalgia! :D

Thanks for your comments :)

How to lost it?

صور

Evocative Great work!