Work in progress: Serenade

I have been working on this piece sense the beginning of June. I realized that what is lacking in my pieces is form. So I have been trying to write this Serenade in slow movement sonata form. I am about half way through the exposition, and I wold love some input. I am really struggling with the second theme subject (as you will notice), so input on that would be especially appreciated! All comments and suggestions are welcome. Thanks! :D

Serenade.pdf

Serenade 1.mp3

Okay, I have a few problems with the score.

This will probably get fixed, but I'm sure it won't hurt to address it anyway.

1. You have no tempo marking.

2. You have no starting dynamics.

3. You have the flutes playing against the strings in a very low register. The strings will eat the flute(s) alive. Seriously. I love the flutes in the low register, but this should only be used with care, such as thinly orchestrated woodwind sections, solos, etc. It won't hurt to take it up an octave or even give it to clarinet!

4. I definitely think you should add an extra or even two more clarinet/trumpet parts. These are important parts in the wind section of the ensemble so it will help with filling out harmonies.

5. Bar 23. Two main issues.

Make trombones 1-2 with a trombone 3 staff, or trombone 1 with 2,3 on another staff. Three trombones off of one staff is ridiculous.

Also, double dots should be used as a last resort. This rhythm would be notated easier as a dotted half tied to an eight with the &of four articulated.

As far as music goes, it's very thinly orchestrated. Which isn't necessarily negative thing, but after a while gets boring. I suggest giving some chords/ or countermelodies to the low brass. Maybe giving woodwinds some runs or double them with the harp with the triplet figures. These are just my suggestions to add interest to the piece!

Keep it up ! I like what you have so far. Good Job!

First get back at the woodwinds very shortly, then go to the french horns. Give them a melody that would give you chills :) (that would be your 'real' second theme). And then some heroic section, with thicker orchestra and a bit louder, as the coda before going into development.

Thanks for the feed back and suggestions! :)