From a Feast ( NEWLY UPDATED!!)

Hi, this is my third composition. Let me tell you how i started this piece. So we have this school project-to compose a piece that might be played at Capulet's Feast(the one from Romeo and Juliet) with other music students, so I started this template. in the end i got so inspired i decided to expand this on my own :DThis short piece also includes some "dark" parts(remind me of the tragedy of romeo and juliet) but generally it is still in the waltz rhythm with a light quality in it. That is why i named this piece "From a Feast". Please give comments! thank you! ^^ (this piece is very very easy to play hahaha). (AND THE TEMPO SHOULD BE FASTER lol)

This is pretty cool! I like how you added some flavor to the piece's festive, happy-go-lucky spirit with some just mildly darker textures (but not unfitting or jarring, which was appropriate for the situation:nod:) towards the middle. The key changes also felt pretty natural, and the use of the triplet-runs was well done :)

One thing which stood out to me as odd immediately, though, was the complete absence of voice-leading, or making the melody of the piece apparent. This is especially a problem right at measures 6-9 -- which is the main melody out of all these instruments? The violin's ascension? The harpsichord? The flute? It's best if you put the slurs where you want the melody to stand out in this wall of music you have here, instead of putting them in places like measure 35. That way, the performers are sure of what is going to stand out in the music, and what is going to be the "background" support.

This was a really nice thing to listen to -- thanks for sharing! :D

HI thanks for your review! During measures 6-9, the flute is having the main descending melody! ok maybe i'll add a slur there to enhance the descending motion...

Hmm in measure 35 i put slurs over the triplets to create a sort of "sliding" motion for the strings...

Impressive! For someone so young you've done a remarkable job!

I was not writing anything nearly this good when I was 14

For the most part I see good counterpoint and treatment of the voices, you have a simple and traditional but effective harmony, and some nice modulations/sudden changes in key.

I loved the chromatic sections, and overall thought the voice leading wasn't bad, actually, the balance of instruments is thrown off completely by the MIDI instruments.

I would suggest overall to explore the ranges of the instruments, and to look up some guides on orchestration, either online or through a book. Maybe more rhythmic or tempo variation would be nice, too.

Overall a great job! Not the most original work, but you're only 14, if you plan to keep writing for a while you've got PLENTY of time to experiment and expand your musical language. Do you know if this will end up being performed? I think it will sound quite lovely live (and more lively)!

HAHA, Hi David! Thanks for your nice comment

lol this to me is original and i did not refer this to ANY work that exist though.

Okay thanks for your suggestion! I'm going to learn to orchestrate better teehee

Well, I have already kinda found 50% of my musical language= which is HAPPY and Lively and swinging and bright and light(and tonal) music. Sometimes they have the traditional use of music in it..But i can't get it outta my mind. I just write whatever comes to my head(the first thing that comes). Don't care whether it's classical-like or whatever

HAHA i'm a "heck care" person. HEHE

Thank you for your review!

P.S I don't think this will be performed haha. Currently only 90+ ppl (here)know about this piece..LOL But yeah the reason i choose midi is because they play every note CLEARLY. Clarity comes first to me. And actually this is a wav file bytheway.

HAHA..

-CJ

-m.51: key signature is totally incorrect. If you're going to change key sigs, change it to the key you're in.

-First modulation totally didn't work for me. Usually a modulation that striking would be used for a brief period of time and moved AWAY from (either back to the first key or to a new key). Since this is a major modulation, it really doesn't sit right for it to be a direct modulation. It needs a better setup.

-I did not have a problem with hearing the melody at m.6 ish like Serge did. I think part of the issue is this midi: the violin is waaay loud.

-m.50: I disagree with your decision here, and I contest it would sound very, very odd if a musician did exactly what you marked (the midi doesn't do what you marked). The arrival should be beat 1, not beat 2. The cresc should point to the downbeat and the accent should be on beat 1. It's a waltz almost in one beat per measure, so the downbeat are always strongest (sans hemiola, which you didn't do any of).

-the modulations on the back half of the piece worked well for me. :) Again, though, the first really needs a better setup and m.51 key sig should reflect the tonality you are in.

-[notation stuff you probably don't want to mess with at this point]. Ask if you really want some notation pointers.

I'll go ahead and echo the comment to expand on instrument ranges. You wrote the flute rather low in its tessitura, which kinda makes me think that you don't have a good feeling for where the flute's "singing" range is. It's higher. ;) Also some development would not be amiss, but I'm hardly one to instruct you in that area.

Overall you got your mood and it's pretty tastefully done, so nice job on that.

Thanks for sharing! :santa:

-Pete

hAHA yes there is a problem with my notation...I'll try to change m51 to the correct key signature. But i find the modulation to A flat major seems okay..and as a compose i quite like it =) o.o maybe it's a matter of taste. Anyway I'm not changing it because I myself like it still. Hmm, you said it would be very weird if a musician did what i marked- What specific markings do you refer to?(i need specific information so that i can focus on it). And yes the midi seems to emphasize the violin more :( which is bad. But it might be different in a live situation because the musicians would most probably know when the voice-leading parts have to surface.

Anyway thanks for your comment and review ^^

P.S maybe you can help me with the notation =) HAHAHAHA

That's the thing, there is no modulation, it's an abrupt key change. I suggest that you finish this work up, put it away for several months, come back to it with fresh ears and listen to it passively. You may hear that it's not quite to your liking as a fresh listener as you did when you had heard it many times while composing it.

Yes, it's your piece. But keep in mind that criticism is how you get better.

You placed an accent on beat 2 in m.50, and the crescendo goes TO beat 2 rather than beat 1. That will sound very odd.

Do you really want a my notation spiel? This particular piece isn't horrible, notation-wise, but I don't pull punches when it comes to that, I'm a hack engraver.

Ah i see where you are going at, Peter. =)

The beat 2 accents in m. 50 and 51 are intentional-meaning i put the accents there so that there is some disorder in the waltz. This is supposed to be from Romeo and Juliet, right? The waltz is not entirely happy and these accents signify the little disorders/dark moments. (as described in the info box). The accents allow the voice-lead to sort of "stumble" abit...LOL i hope you get what i meant. Huh? what does "hack engraver" mean? I'm bad at english haha.

And okay I will listen to it with FRESH ears for a couple of months later. And i'll tell you my honest opinion of it at that time! promise!

And i suppose your notation spiel must be much better than mine! =) mine sucks..

I think Peter did a really good job addressing some of the key points needing fixed in this. I'll focus solely on score setup and some of your string setups. First, I would recommend adhering to basic score set up - where you organize by instrumental choirs in this order: winds, brass, perc., keyboards, strings. A good resource is to view scores via IMSLP. Second, I think you should be more judicious with your dynamic markings. A forte cello and mezzo-forte viola against a piano flute? All that said, I think you some really nice ideas here. This has almost a calliope sound to it. Thanks for sharing?

Ah.

Well in that case, I think one measure where you shift the emphasis to beat 2 doesn't do it. In music, if you do something out-of-place once, it sounds like a mistake. If you do it TWICE, it's a device. :) You need to make more of it your "destabilization". Right now, it sounds like a mistake, regardless of what you meant to do, because it happens one time and you didn't set it up at all. You have a section in minor, I'd imagine that's enough to represent some of the turmoil in R&J. If you really wanted to be true to it, you wouldn't end in a major key: R&J is a tragedy, after all.

We can talk notation some other time, you've got enough to think about on this piece.