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Please attach scores if you can. Watch out for crossed voices from the bass rolls intersecting with the melody. I think this arrangement breaks the flow of the original song way too much. The passion from the original comes from the driving energy as things around it grow... it didn't really need the rubato treatment in my opinion; also, perhaps maybe a little too much clutter in the second iteration.

Also, Major 7th chords can become overused. Just saying.

 

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