Don't leave my small dream land

Hello,

Please listen to my piano song. Tell me if you like it. Also check my youtube channel 

Right off the bat, you clash a D# with E. I get what you're doing, but maybe make it a little less obvious.
0:37, important that the suspension of the piano happens relatively quickly, since the envelope of the piano sound is so percussive.
At the transition to 16th's, the sparse texture of the right hand to the left is a bit strange... supplement it with 8th's maybe. Up to you.
1:20, clashing E with E#. Same around 2:40 and 3:49 and 5:00
Around 4:25, the B in the soprano with A#'s as a neighboring tone is a bit harsh, especially with the B also in the bass.
I want a climax! Rising/falling actions. It's a lot of repeating, with not many chord progression changes. Like, it's definitely pretty, but so retrained. I know this can go more places. :) test it out, maybe. 
Cheers!

No

12 hours ago, Monarcheon said:

Right off the bat, you clash a D# with E. I get what you're doing, but maybe make it a little less obvious.
0:37, important that the suspension of the piano happens relatively quickly, since the envelope of the piano sound is so percussive.
At the transition to 16th's, the sparse texture of the right hand to the left is a bit strange... supplement it with 8th's maybe. Up to you.
1:20, clashing E with E#. Same around 2:40 and 3:49 and 5:00
Around 4:25, the B in the soprano with A#'s as a neighboring tone is a bit harsh, especially with the B also in the bass.
I want a climax! Rising/falling actions. It's a lot of repeating, with not many chord progression changes. Like, it's definitely pretty, but so retrained. I know this can go more places. :) test it out, maybe. 
Cheers!

 

Many thanks for your extensive feedback. Such comments help the beginners a lot. I'll keep your suggestions in my mind and try to revise the song accordingly. Please critisize my future compositions as well. Thank you for taking your time. With regards.