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Posted (edited)

Hi all, 

Any feedback would be appreciated. An extra set of eyes on the score for enharmonic equivalents and other notation errors in particular!  Thanks!  

 

Come marry me unto the earth.

Cover me up with your roses, 

Cover me up with the ashes of my youth.  

I’ll drink the night gladly.

 

Bend me to the arms of the earth.

Fill my ears, pond deep.  

Eyes are for dreaming,

Ease them shut.  

 

Skin is for the living,

Crumple it to the floor, 

Skin is for the living,

Live no more.

 

But let me keep my love.  

Trust me with your remembering,

And watch me off to sleep.

 

 

Edited by pateceramics
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pateceramics,

Neat! Has sort of madrigal feel to it with some not so renaissance harmonies.  Nicely done.  Are the lyrics yours?

Here's what I saw in the score:

m11- do you want a hairpin in the sop 1?

mm35,36- The "poco rit." is not needed in the inner voices.  Above Sop1 and piano is fine.   Also, the caesura is missing in the piano part.

m47- see above.  

That's all I saw.  As a side note, since the piano part is "rehearsal only," if you're able, I would reduce the staff size to about 90% and add just a bit more space between it and the vocal parts.  But that's just me.

Tim

 

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23 hours ago, tmarko said:

Are the lyrics yours?

Here's what I saw in the score:

m11- do you want a hairpin in the sop 1?

mm35,36- The "poco rit." is not needed in the inner voices.  Above Sop1 and piano is fine.   Also, the caesura is missing in the piano part.

m47- see above.  

That's all I saw.  As a side note, since the piano part is "rehearsal only," if you're able, I would reduce the staff size to about 90% and add just a bit more space between it and the vocal parts.  But that's just me.

Thanks for taking to time to take a look at it for me, Tim!  Yes, the lyrics are mine.  It's easier to write your own than to find and get permission to use something on a particular topic sometimes.  

I actually don't want a hairpin in the sop 1 at m. 11.  I want their text to stand out from the texture there.  

mm 35, 36, and 67:  Thanks!

I can't reduce the staff size on the piano part without it throwing the software program into great confusion and needing to move all my dynamic and tempo markings back where they are supposed to be by hand, (in all parts, not just the piano), so I'm not going to bother for this go round, but that's a good point.  I'll keep that in mind for future pieces.  

Thanks again!

 

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I really enjoyed it. The only thing negative I have to say is that the chord choice at m.32 seemed a little odd, but overall I loved this!

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14 hours ago, JordanRoberts said:

I really enjoyed it. The only thing negative I have to say is that the chord choice at m.32 seemed a little odd, but overall I loved this!

 

Thanks for taking a look at it.  Yeah, there are a lot of 2nd inversion chords through that section, which lend a somber, mysterious tone to my ear, but maybe there is a better way to handle them or to achieve that effect.  All voices move smoothly there, so hopefully it's not creating a technical problem for the singers at any rate.  Time for me to do some review on 6/4 chords and hopefully the next one will be an incremental improvement!  Thanks again!

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It's been so long since I've listened to one of your choral pieces and it was such a lovely one to come back to! I like the way you write because the care you put into it is evident. So good to hear your music again. Wish I could hear it sung!

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12 hours ago, KJthesleepdeprived said:

It's been so long since I've listened to one of your choral pieces and it was such a lovely one to come back to! I like the way you write because the care you put into it is evident. So good to hear your music again. Wish I could hear it sung!

 

Thanks so much, KJ.  I'm glad you enjoyed it.  Good to see you on YC again, it's been a while!

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