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this will be a WIP I actually stick with, I just don't know what to do with the 2nd section, I don't like the last 8 bars very much. I want to get back to the c minor A section.

Edited by Left Unexplained
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Nice!  The 2nd section reminds me a little of "The Sinking" from the Titanic soundtrack (I've memorized the unpredictable syncopated rhythms from that track) while the 1st section is composed in a style very well-known in the film industry (nice string ostinato btw) reminiscent of Danny Elfman and Alan Silvestri.  In general you have some really great lines in this (esp. for horn and trumpet in the 2nd section).  I love the guitar ostinato in the 2nd section as well.  Your flute arpeggios throughout this also add a great brilliance.  As far as how to transition back to the A section ... maybe you don't have to modulate back to the original key?  You could combine the two sections now in a sort of hybrid developmental approach like in a symphony where theres an A theme, a B theme and then the Development.  Just go with the flow ... just an idea.  I like what you have though!

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Is what you're calling the 2nd section the one starting at 1:04?

10 hours ago, Left Unexplained said:

I don't like the last 8 bars very much

Why not?

 

10 hours ago, Left Unexplained said:

I want to get back to the c minor A section.

What you have ends with a fairly good buildup, why not go right back into the A section? I like @PaperComposer's idea of going to a different key as well. If it's in C minor the first time, maybe try D minor the second time? The "higher" key might sound like it has more energy the second time. Also maybe beef up the orchestration the second time to make it sound more intense.

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On 9/18/2020 at 3:58 AM, PaperComposer said:

Nice!  The 2nd section reminds me a little of "The Sinking" from the Titanic soundtrack (I've memorized the unpredictable syncopated rhythms from that track) while the 1st section is composed in a style very well-known in the film industry (nice string ostinato btw) reminiscent of Danny Elfman and Alan Silvestri.  In general you have some really great lines in this (esp. for horn and trumpet in the 2nd section).  I love the guitar ostinato in the 2nd section as well.  Your flute arpeggios throughout this also add a great brilliance.  As far as how to transition back to the A section ... maybe you don't have to modulate back to the original key?  You could combine the two sections now in a sort of hybrid developmental approach like in a symphony where theres an A theme, a B theme and then the Development.  Just go with the flow ... just an idea.  I like what you have though!

 

 

On 9/18/2020 at 1:38 PM, gmm said:

Is what you're calling the 2nd section the one starting at 1:04?

Why not?

 

What you have ends with a fairly good buildup, why not go right back into the A section? I like @PaperComposer's idea of going to a different key as well. If it's in C minor the first time, maybe try D minor the second time? The "higher" key might sound like it has more energy the second time. Also maybe beef up the orchestration the second time to make it sound more intense.

 

thank you for the kind words. I guess Im used to being right on the line of meaning and chaos so I am hesitant to go back to my old ways of not "following through" with my ideas. But I think transposing it to d minor might sound really cool so Im going to try that. Thanks guys!

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What's your plan for the form? That will usually give me an idea of how to further develop what you have already. 

The bassoon part (transition?) at :58 felt a little out of place, I thought you were going to take that somewhere with the percussive strings underneath. 

I like what you do in the A section, very colorful atmosphere. I like how you tinker with motifs thorughout both sections, but maybe a stronger sense of melody would serve it well? At times it sort of meanders, maybe that's what you're going for? Almost cinematic in texture? Again, the form you choose might help. To me it sounded like it could go back to the A section after the B, perhaps bring the bassoon transition back to the cellos and basses or something...kind of a sinister sounding phrase!

Keep us all updated, I love the overall sense of a crescendo in the two sections, I'm excited to see what you build this one up to.

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Thank you Ill keep people updated I really trust u guys' opinions

22 minutes ago, Thatguy v2.0 said:

What's your plan for the form? That will usually give me an idea of how to further develop what you have already. 

The bassoon part (transition?) at :58 felt a little out of place, I thought you were going to take that somewhere with the percussive strings underneath. 

I like what you do in the A section, very colorful atmosphere. I like how you tinker with motifs thorughout both sections, but maybe a stronger sense of melody would serve it well? At times it sort of meanders, maybe that's what you're going for? Almost cinematic in texture? Again, the form you choose might help. To me it sounded like it could go back to the A section after the B, perhaps bring the bassoon transition back to the cellos and basses or something...kind of a sinister sounding phrase!

Keep us all updated, I love the overall sense of a crescendo in the two sections, I'm excited to see what you build this one up to.

 

 

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