Pop song Lyrics

I just finished a pop song with a piano part and I'm gonna sumbit the lyrics for u guys to critique. I wrote the melody first and thought it sounded kinda sad and a bit angry so i thought aha! sad love song! lol

Erased

Piano Intro

Verse 1

When my heart was torn

Burning with regret and shame

Couldn't help but mourn

I'd been conned into the same old game

These tears won't dry away

My whole world crashed today

I have one thing to say

I will be ok

Chorus

My memories are distant spirits

Calamity, a story untold

No one will know of my troubles

This hushed event will cease to unfold

And knows the time I think to myself

Why do i care so much anyway?

I find that there is no reason

So now's the time to Stop.

You're Erased

Short piano solo

Verse 2

Ooo a new day

And i start to contemplate

Figment of my mind

Notice? Left my heart behind.

What tears? There's none today

My whole world is ok

There's one thing left to say

I have found my way

Chorus repeated

Bridge

Life

Beautiful

Life

Calm and still

Instrumental

Modulated Chorus

Ooo Gone

Erased

Piano outro

There we go , all i have to do now is figure out how to get a recording onto here. I'm never good at those technological kind of things...

:)

Piano Intro

Verse 1

When my heart was torn

Burning with regret and shame

Couldn't help but mourn

I'd been conned into the same old game

I like this line but just a suggestion what about conned to play the same old game

These tears won't dry away

My whole world crashed today

I have one thing to say

I will be ok

Chorus

My memories are distant spirits

Calamity, a story untold

No one will know of my troubles

This hushed event will cease to unfold

And knows the time I think to myself

ok this line i personally don't understand but i also know that not every line in a lyric has to make sense

Why do i care so much anyway?

I find that there is no reason

So now's the time to Stop.

You're Erased

Short piano solo

Verse 2

Ooo a new day

And i start to contemplate

Figment of my mind

Notice? Left my heart behind.

What tears? There's none today

My whole world is ok

There's one thing left to say

I have found my way

Chorus repeated

Bridge

Life

Beautiful

Life

Calm and still

the bridge is pretty cool an explanation of like sorta thing :P

Instrumental

Modulated Chorus

Ooo Gone

Erased

Piano outro

It would be really awesome if you could find a way to record it all so we can hear the tune of the song and how the piano parts fit in... do u have the piano scored seperatly or on a recording?

overall pretty good. There are some part where the lyric is weak, almost as if it was forced to rhyme.

overall pretty good. There are some part where the lyric is weak, almost as if it was forced to rhyme.

Absolutely right: it tends to sound forced because piano girl wanted to rhyme 1-3 2-4. If it was just 2-4 it would have been much easier.