Hello @Fugax Contrapunctus!
I really enjoyed listening to your revised canon, as it sounds very harmonious and has a constant flow that could perhaps go on forever, musically underscoring the lyrics.
As reading your introduction, I see how much effort you’ve invested to make the piece what it ultimately is, and that you have dealt with the challenges to finally find a satisfactory enharmonic notation that is both harmonically correct and easy to read, so I have not gone into detail about your score.
Surprisingly, although the rhythmic texture consists of only a few motifs that are repeated dozens, if not hundreds, of times as they move through the voices and instruments, it is not boring, but illuminates the theme from so many different angles until it reaches the coda, which initially introduces more tension and finally resolves. In this context, I am reminded of Bach's D major fugue from WTC2, BWV 874, which also repeats its short fugue subject extensively.
Now for some thoughts that should be understood not as criticism but as questions I am asking myself: Your canons, especially this one, are magnificent examples of how contrapuntal imitation techniques can be brought to absolute perfection. However, I am not sure whether a cycle of, say, six or twelve such canons would be presentable in a live performance for an audience other than a highly educated one. For such a purpose, I could imagine that the canons should alternate with “less demanding” pieces, such as fugues, chorales, etc. (That could also be the reason why The Art of Fugue contains only two canons, as far as I remember ...)