Muzic Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 I was looking online and I came across a web page full of music jokes. I thought they were pretty funny so I thought I would share. ----->Enjoy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chodelkovzart Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 Here's some i found a long time ago: An efficiency consultant gave his critique of Schubert's Unfinished Symphony: All 12 violins played the same notes. This is unnecessary duplication. Their number should be cut. For a considerable period oboe players had nothing to do. Their number should be reduced and their work spread evenly among other staff. No useful purpose is served by repeating with horns the passage that was already handled by the strings. If such redundancies were eliminated, the concert could be cut 20 minutes. The symphony has two movements. Mr. Schubert should have been able to achieve his musical goals in one. Conclusion: If Mr. Schubert had paid attention to these matters, he would have had time to finish the symphony. "Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end." -- Igor Stravinsky "In opera, there is always too much singing." -- Claude Debussy Albert Einstein (1879-1955), German born physicist; he lived in the US after 1933 in Princeton, New Jersey, Einstein played violin in a string quartet. He thoroughly enjoyed it, but the other musicians were less enthusiastic. One of the other players confided, "He can't count." Cadence: When everybody hopes you're going to stop, but you don't. Crescendo: A reminder to the performer that he has been playing too loudly. English horn: A woodwind that got its name because it's neither English nor a horn. Not to be confused with French horn, which is German. and i have posted this joke before somewhere on this website: C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors," and E-flat leaves. C and G have an open fifth between them and after a few drinks, G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me, I'll just be a second." A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor and sends him out. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and shouts, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." Next night, E-flat, not easily deflated, comes into the bar in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking pretty sharp tonight. Come on in. This could be a major development." And in fact, E-flat takes off his suit and everything else and stands there au naturel. Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Composer283 Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 :w00t: Here's some i found a long time ago:An efficiency consultant gave his critique of Schubert's Unfinished Symphony: All 12 violins played the same notes. This is unnecessary duplication. Their number should be cut. For a considerable period oboe players had nothing to do. Their number should be reduced and their work spread evenly among other staff. No useful purpose is served by repeating with horns the passage that was already handled by the strings. If such redundancies were eliminated, the concert could be cut 20 minutes. The symphony has two movements. Mr. Schubert should have been able to achieve his musical goals in one. Conclusion: If Mr. Schubert had paid attention to these matters, he would have had time to finish the symphony. "Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end." -- Igor Stravinsky "In opera, there is always too much singing." -- Claude Debussy Albert Einstein (1879-1955), German born physicist; he lived in the US after 1933 in Princeton, New Jersey, Einstein played violin in a string quartet. He thoroughly enjoyed it, but the other musicians were less enthusiastic. One of the other players confided, "He can't count." Cadence: When everybody hopes you're going to stop, but you don't. Crescendo: A reminder to the performer that he has been playing too loudly. English horn: A woodwind that got its name because it's neither English nor a horn. Not to be confused with French horn, which is German. and i have posted this joke before somewhere on this website: C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors," and E-flat leaves. C and G have an open fifth between them and after a few drinks, G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me, I'll just be a second." A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor and sends him out. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and shouts, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." Next night, E-flat, not easily deflated, comes into the bar in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking pretty sharp tonight. Come on in. This could be a major development." And in fact, E-flat takes off his suit and everything else and stands there au naturel. Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. :laugh: So funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaestroMarvel Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 I can't hear enough music jokes. What do you call a soprano that can sightread? An Alto. What do you call a man that hangs out with musicians? A Drummer. More later... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferkungamabooboo Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 Blech, music jokes are always of the lowest caliber. Which is what makes them funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaestroMarvel Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 What's the difference between a government bond and a trumpet player? The government bond will eventually mature and earn money! How many professional trombone players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. Professional trombone players can't afford light bulbs! How can you tell if a violin is out of tune? The bow is moving! How can you tell if a violist is at your door? He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in! Oh, good times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chodelkovzart Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 :w00t::laugh: So funny! THX! *bows* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muzic Posted November 18, 2008 Author Share Posted November 18, 2008 I think music jokes are so funny because we all know some one that the jokes fit perfectly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nyu001 Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 I don't know if this is somewhere, but I once broke one of my violin strings and I ended saying around people: "I broke my G-string". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Camilla Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 Oh, someone could explain this one to me, because my reaction no matter how many times I've read it is just "...But.. what...?" A little girl says to her mother "Mummy, can you get pregnant from having anal sex?" and her mother replies "Of course you can, darling, how do you think conductors are born?" ....."But... what?.." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salemosophy Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 Conductors are birthed from their mothers' butt holes? Who knew? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightscape Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 I made a Liszt and went Chopin for some strawberry Schubert. When I went home to eat it I made a huge Messiaen and had to go Bach to the Schumann for the second time this week to get a new pair of Verdi Hispanic running shoes. Now I am Baroque... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Sorasen Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 How many euphoniums does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2, one to screw in the lightbulb and the other to explain what a Euphonium is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Cosio Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 I think these are kinda silly........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.