Afternoon for SATB choir

I've been working on this piece for a friend who introduced me to the wonderful poem. Now the subject matter may not be exactly PG, the lyric is downright graphic at points, but the words and sentiment are wonderful and picturesque, and I decided it would sound wonderful with my choral style. The entire text can be found here:

Sudu's Views & Reviews: Sonnet- C.B. Trail

I have written out the music for the first 6 lines and I am posting it now, just to gather some initial impressions. I don't know whether or not it could ever be performed, but I am happy with the results so far. Haven't made a .pdf of the score yet, so a midi will have to suffice for now.

It's quite nice, especially the alternating consonance and dissonance in the bass line. I would sing it!

I think it sounds sweet and beautiful, although I'd like to hear a performance so I can hear how the lyrics fit with the words -- I found it a little difficult to figure out the phrasing and where the syllables fit, but then again, I'm not a choir person :P

I'd also like to see the sheet music -- please put it up soon!

OK added more, up to the climax of the piece, and did a score with lyrics added

CBTrailSonnet4.MID

Afternoon.roughdraft.pdf

Ok, quite tender the harmonies - the alteration of open and closed voicings is what gives it that impression. The dramatic arch and pacing is very good.

Only problem I have is word stress in some places and a few of your phrase lengths- I think afternoon needs to be elongated and stretched across the bar. So af = quarter note, ter = quartet note, noon three beats. Viola - you have created a 5 beat phrase in 4/4 that crosses the bar and shifts This to the second beat. You then can shorten the note value on "this" to give a sense of excitement and expectancy by slight shortening of the rhythmic values of the phrases. Your notes and division of the words is spot on as well as the dramatic arch. This is very good. You just need to think of crossing the bar beyond 2 and 4 bar units - which is a tendency of yours - it isn't too bad but your writing suggests greater fluidity.

Ah, I can see what you're getting at, but I think that lacks some rhythmic intensity...I will play around with it and see what I can do. You're right, i do have a tendency to think in very strict phrase lengths, and I'm trying to expand that (measures 25-31 I attempted to create a longer 6-bar phrase, with overlapping entrances and voicings).

Firstly, love the lyrics, haha. I liked the piece, not so sure about the dissonances in the beginning, some of them seemed a bit out of context to me, but I guess it's just a matter of taste. I'd love to hear this recorded by a real choir, or at least a virtual one that is able to sing words, such as EWQL's Symphonic Choirs. :thumbsup:

the chord on "ri" of "delirium" is my favorite part of this so far, for some reason it jars the senses just enough to suggest some sort of "delirium" that sort of throws you for a loop...I dunno. The E in the basses is a bit high in my experience, bass 2's especially hate anything above middle C. But it's whatev, if the choir is good they will generally just suck it up.

I think the thing with your dissonance and the reason it's not quite awesome yet for me is that you do this quasi-polyphony thing where lines will be repeated and overlapped, and occasionally two notes will seem to bump into each other and hit a minor second or something, as if it weren't meant to be dissonant. I think using a BIT more homophony (just a bit though) when you defect to those spicy dissonances and maybe counterbalancing them with just straight-up major chords will really broaden the effect you're aiming for.

Perhaps the piece needs dynamics. I dunno?

Perhaps the piece needs dynamics. I dunno?

They're coming along with the next draft of the score

the piece is interesting for the for the sweetness of the harmonies, for the sweetness of the harmonies

the color of the piece reminds me of distant landscapes

these types of chord are very suited to the choir

Thanks for the compliment, although I'm not exactly sure what you meant by the distant landscapes. I'm still working on finishing the last portion, it's really causing me some grief, nothing seems to click well with the words and the mood I've already set. With my new job it's been hard to find time to really sit down and compose, and I haven't had the inspiration to really attack it with fervor.