(unknown)

i dont think this one is quite right yet. any ideas on how to make it longer or improve the basic melody ??

(unknown)

this one isnt quite right yet. any advice on how to lengthen or improve it?

unknown

It seems to me you're looking for help finishing this piece, rather than comments on the finished product, so I'm moving it to the "incomplete works" section.

Silasj said on February 20, 2010, 10:20 am:

It seems to me you're looking for help finishing this piece, rather than comments on the finished product, so I'm moving it to the "incomplete works" section.

sorry what is that?? im very new to this site

Thanks for posting this Roobie. What SilasJ is saying, is that you posted the work to the wrong upload forum. Nothing wrong with that, just in the future please upload any works you need assistance with to the Incomplete Works section in the forum proper. Thanks for posting and Welcome to YC. :)

I'm sure he greatly appreciates all the comments his music has received so far lol. I think it's pretty good. How long have you been writing?

@BDW-Musician haha its a she and im KINDA embaressed... I DONT KNOW HOW TO USE THIS SITE! and i wrote this and 2 others for a project last year. thats all my experience

Welcome to the forums! The bulk of the material here is actually quite interesting and has good potential. I would say the first thing you should do is to loose the intro and closing material. The simple arpeggios in these sections simply don't make any sense with the middle material. The material after the intro is exciting and has plenty of opportunity to be expanded. For example, you can make a stripped down version of the melody to start as you use a lot of runs, then change some of the chord material or rhythm of the chords. The piece could also use a contrasting section met with a smoother transition than currently exists.