Concert Band Piece outline

This is an outline for the first of a 3 small movement concert band piece. There's really no info about it, I'm just in the mists of writing this and I want to get feedback and suggestions. Feel free to comment on this!

Thank you

Your borrowed chord transitions are very awkward, especially in the beginning. Use a V chord maybe.
The fast section in the middle with all the runs have so many poor-sounding passing tones. Diatonicism isn't a bad thing, you know. 
It needs to be longer. So much could be done with the syncopations and hemiolas you had in the beginning (i.e. metric modulation, etc.) and you didn't really do much to develop the harmonic or melodic material you did have anyway. I would strongly suggest you finish this movement first before moving on, or it'll become a sinkhole... a collection of ideas. It's definitely a decent start though.
Cheers!

I think the chords sound fine. I do think the warning of sinking too many ideas into a piece is a wise one for almost any circumstance, this one for sure as well. There is not much development here. I can hear about three distinct ideas coming forward. They all seem nice enough, treat them well and you could have a nice piece.

Now, I would recommend, at some point in the piece, for a good contrast, make sure to have a part that isn't so nice. Beauty is more prominent when pain and ugliness are presented alongside it. Just a suggestion.

A couple of other thoughts:

1. Fast scales are filigree. Decorative, but not thematic and certainly not enough to sustain a piece.

2. Everything sounds like it's in the middle of the keyboard right now. With an average concert band, you have a range of F1 to C8. Use the vertical space in the band to separate your different planes of sound.

Hi,

Consider breaking up the melodic runs

Maybe come up with a few rhythmic ideas and try to embed them here and there

Also, consider changing the voice leading in some areas of your accompaniment