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Edited July 16, 20205 yr by Jackleaf

I like how it sounds! The tempo and mood fits nicely. I think as far as form goes, you could probably turn it into a minuet and trio. By creating a C section following the second part and then after the C you could go back to the A section to end it. I too feel like it should go back and maybe end on that first half.

You can make it resolve in the last bar just by simple adding a G in the top of the D, you don't fell like it concludes because of that D. Also your final cadence is very weak, if you want to make it sound convincing you should put some subdominant harmony instead of the tonic that you write or make use of the tritone.

If I were you I'd write a trio section to make it a minuet and trio. And in the second repeat of the minuet you can add a 3rd voice to complete the harmony.

Hi Jack,

Nice piece, and you have a really nice bassline throughout. From what I hear you are going for a classical feel. Depending on how authentic you wish this to me, there are some inconsistencies which you may want to assess.

The perfect cadence at the end of first section moves in contrary motion towards the same note (G). This was not desirable as does not declare a definitive closing statement, which it should being a perfect cadence. This is usually achieved with bass part moving in contrary motion towards the dominant note (in this case being D) before falling to the tonic. Otherwise, the V chord immediately prior to the I chord omits the first degree of the triad, which is not recommended.

The perfect cadence at the end of the second section is also suspect, as you have omitted the third whilst added a 5th in the upper part. It is preferable to use either the third or first degree to close the statement in the upper part, without a 3rd part. It is bad practice to end a piece with a perfect 5th.

Please refer to the attached illustration for an alternative realization.

Edited April 16, 20205 yr by Markus Boyd

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Edited July 16, 20205 yr by Jackleaf

No problem, anytime 

Wow! This is so beautiful! I've listened to it a few times and I keep coming back to it. It's incredibly sad, I think the most poignant music is cheerful on the surface but slowed down to create a feeling of longing. The slow movement of mozarts Eine Kleine Nacht Musik does this well.   The final cadence without the third creates a hollow sound and has a renaissance feel to it. I think the piece doesn't necessarily need the trio and feels complete enough for me. I'd like to hear more of your music it's more impressive to me than the more showy pieces I'm hearing lately that make me think of a boy playing with his dads shaving creme. Mozart wrote tons of minuets and simple pieces before attempting faster and more challenging music. I much prefer well written simple music to poorly executed flashy pieces that sound like bootleg fireworks. 

On 6/18/2020 at 10:14 AM, DarrenEngland said:

Wow! This is so beautiful! I've listened to it a few times and I keep coming back to it. It's incredibly sad, I think the most poignant music is cheerful on the surface but slowed down to create a feeling of longing. The slow movement of mozarts Eine Kleine Nacht Musik does this well.   The final cadence without the third creates a hollow sound and has a renaissance feel to it. I think the piece doesn't necessarily need the trio and feels complete enough for me. I'd like to hear more of your music it's more impressive to me than the more showy pieces I'm hearing lately that make me think of a boy playing with his dads shaving creme. Mozart wrote tons of minuets and simple pieces before attempting faster and more challenging music. I much prefer well written simple music to poorly executed flashy pieces that sound like bootleg fireworks. 

 

Thanks so much for the kind words.

Edited July 16, 20205 yr by Jackleaf