June 12, 20214 yr I'll tell you what, I really want those first 15 measures to senza vibrato. I think that would make the opening really powerful and ready to move into brief middle section. I would really consider exploring tempo and rhythm a bit more. I know you vary it up a bit in the middle section, but it really starts to drag a little bit and doesn't feel like it's moving anywhere. This becomes particularly obvious when you move back into the opening material to end. I think you have a strong idea, just needs a little more work.
July 11, 20214 yr Hmm, I think this is a piece with a lot of potential! However, I think in terms of how the harmonies are stacked I think there is more room that you could worked with, quartal and quintal harmonies would have been great! I feel that in addition, I know that this is a slow piece which will not be properly rendered on a midi, but I do think more momentum and a drive should be present. It feels a little draggy and something like exploring more interesting rhythms can be executed well. In addition, I think a powerful melodic line that can fit the melancholy of the opening could be iterated, as the A section feels a little underwhelming. Conversational textures I think can be better introduced as well.
July 11, 20214 yr Why half notes? pizz ..? measure 25. A very pretty and somber melody. An Elegy? I think you could develop this into a larger work.
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