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La Zattera (The Raft)


expert21
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Hi guys, this is the first (complete) piece I have composed. It was inspired by the painting "The Raft of the Medusa" by Théodore Géricault, which I found whilst I was surfing the internet for inspiration. I'm hoping to use it as part of a larger work later on, but here it is as it stands. 

The piece is in ternary form (A-B-A), with the A section being in G minor, and the B section being in the Dominant(D Major). The A Section is supposed to invoke the dispair that the sailors on the raft must've felt as they were sailing, and their cries for help. The B section is supposed to be some sort of cheer up song, that the sailors sing (and waltz to), to try and cheer themselves up. Eventually, the despair and pain of their ordeal overwhelms them, and they stop singing, and start crying for help again, hence the repeat of the A section.

I do hope you enjoy my piece, and I would appreciate some feedback on it,

Yours Faithfully,

Expert21

P.S. I apologise in advance for some of the discrepancies in the notation, I hope to fix it when I have more time.

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Hey there!

Congrats on writing your first complete piece. I think you depict what you're trying to convey pretty well, I definitely got a sense of despair and anguish while listening. It can be no easy feat when trying to adhere to a form, and you succeeded in that.

I agree with the comment above, I think starting with a pickup note would help this tremendously. Your overall phrasing of the violin melody is sort of begging for it, and it can seem a bit odd with the way it's written.

Also, doubling the melody in the piano is a great way to make it stronger, but maybe try adding some harmony in spots. If this were my piece, I'd have them doubled like you have them, but maybe the second time around give us a bit of harmony. 

I quickly drafted up the first phrase with some amendments, here's what I'm talking about. Great job overall, keep the pieces coming and keep writing! This site is a great source of information and helpful people that generally don't mind throwing in their opinions about your music. 

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