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Hello everyone, this is the piece I newly composed, hope you like it.

Edited by cloud10000
for some adjustment
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Hi

I think it's very nice. Good work with both instruments. Perhaps I would have given more presence to the piano (but it has). Sometimes the harmony is a bit vague, although it reaches to an end. 

Violin: The octaves in m. 24 onwards... Are necessary? The quick figure in m. 63 with leaps, stacatto, thirds and seconds, perhaps is too demanding.

Piano: I don't like to use so many octaves (m. 196 - m. 211), but that's my taste... (I prefer having a strong reason for those -many- octaves).

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m. 27, please use octaves sparingly. They're not really used for harmonic structure when it comes to violin music, more a display.
m. 44, careful of non-harmonic tone in violin vs. bass (Bb vs. B).
m. 63, yeah... not really worth practicing that.
m. 144-section, a little bit awkward and definitely less fluid than the rest of the piece.
m. 163, possible, but nasty to play.
mm. 169-178, seemed random and not really in place.
I also felt the theme could have been handled a little bit better in the main instances, but it's good overall. 

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I must say I'm speechless. The opening is quite rustic and lays an expectation that the piece is simple. I like the opening. The simple theme -in my mind- has a lot of potential development possibilities. However, as the piece went on, the theme disappeared. Replaced by another idea... then another... then another. Finally, it reappears at measure 179.... undeveloped and untouched. I think this piece is an awesome example of why brevity of idea and focus on structure and development are important to composition. The bounce in material and lack of compositional focus and direction is very evident in this work. You have good ideas, but they aren't utilized to their potential -and the work is left with a sense of not being finished.

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Good job overall. I want to praise you for your mostly good use of structure and form and great ideas. Some things to look at:
0:4-0:7 and other repetitions of this theme: progression V-I preferred. Continue from previous chord.
0:11 and other similar passages: continue use of previous progression.
1:4: F or C preferred over A (left hand). Two As here do not fit well together.
1:19: major 7th leaps, violin part. There are more in the piece.
1:24: Bs do not belong
1:34-1:38: bass line, doesn't fit so well with upper parts and context of the piece. F and C preferred over C and A.
1:40: As do not belong. A-flats preferred.
1:56: awkward transition.
1:56 and 1:57: B-flats do not fit. Similar problems occur at other repetitions of similar figures.
1:59-2:3: more motion in piano part. The piano part sometimes pauses unexpectedly. This occurs later in the piece.
2:9-2:12: awkward harmony
2:30: Gs preferred over F-sharps
2:41: B preferred over D# (left hand)
2:50 and other similar passages: more motion in right hand
3:1: ii7 progression rather than iv progression would be nice to make a proper sequence. G-sharps do not belong.
3:11: A preferred over C (piano left hand)
3:29: G preferred over D (left hand)
3:30-3:37: could be more melodious. It's not nice when melody instrument (in this case, violin) plays a single long note for the entire duration of a chord progression. More examples in this piece.
3:45: Es do not belong.
(left hand)
4:10: A# preferred over C# (left hand)
4:20: B preferred over D# (left hand)
4:34-4:37 and 4:40-4:42: you can switch the bass notes around.
4:44-4:46: A# and F double sharp preferred over C# and A# (left hand)
5:5: C preferred over E (left hand)
5:18: transitions from the root position to the first inversion of a triad chord are generally preferred over rot position to second inversion transitions. Many more examples in this piece.
5:25-5:29: awkward augmented 2nd in left hand, can be avoided by bumping notes down a third. More examples in this piece.
5:33: root position diminished triads sound harsh, first inversion or diminished sevenths preferred. More examples in this piece.
5:34: D preferred over F# (left hand)
5:35: unexpected key change.
The return to the theme was a bit awkward.
7:7: F preferred over C (left hand)

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