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i carry your heart with me (i carry it in


Ryan Fogleman
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Hi everyone! I'd like to share a choral piece I'm working on (I think it's mostly in the final stages of composition, perhaps a few notes here and there will be edited, but I think have the form/structure as I would like it.) I set one of my favorite e e cummings poems to music and just felt my way through the text and the emotions I felt while reading. I'd love to hear any critiques from people more experienced with the idiom (I'm studying composition at university, but only started 2 years ago so I am still learning things everyday!) I intend to speak with the choir directors at my university to see if they would be interested in running the piece, and if they have any advice on writing effective choral music. One of the things I am particularly worried about with this piece is the clarity of notation. There are a few parts of this piece where I was unsure of what accidentals to use (such as in the "i fear" section at bar 32) or if I spelled a chord incorrectly, as I predominantly write by ear. If anyone could shine some light on potential problems in this regard, that would be extremely helpful.

Thank you in advance for any feedback!

 

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in 12-29-17.mp3

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in 12-29-17.pdf

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It’s pretty.

I have 1 problem (more of a thing to be aware about more than a suggestion to edit) oohs, aahs and similiar things including your dms, should be, not exactly avoided, but primarily for accompanying other parts (like the bass only). Not really for conveying anything meaningful. Also your “dms”, I don’t really understand meaning behind those besides adding ‘thump’.

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I love clusters and harmonies using alternative intervals.

However, some suggestions:

The transitions between the triadic-tonal parts and the clusters is abrupt, as it happens in bars 16-20.

The movement in voice leading is minimum, or none, in these parts (also in bars 31-44 with harmony by seconds), the effect is a total ecstatic music.

Sometimes one voice is divided in three, is it usual?

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Nice piece, generally. Very peaceful and calm. Nice harmonies. It would require a lot of voices to sing. I would also prefer to have more momentum sometimes. The music sounds kind of dead. Also, I thought it was in multiple movements because there were several possible ending spots.

Edited by ilv
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