Song for School Project

So I've done with it all I can do without doubting myself. My audience is just a whole class with untrained ears, I'm hoping to keep everyone interested for the whole minute and half. Here are my questions; 

Would I be able to interest an audience that would barely notice that it's not western style.

Do you think the last 30 seconds are needed okay enough to keep?

What are some things that bugged you?

What are some things in the percussion that you wish was there?

What in the melody/harmony could I fix up?

Edited May 16, 20187 yr by Some Guy That writes Music
forgot to add music

Some high tones disturbed my ear.

But maybe it's just a problem with my speaker.

They'll probably notice it sounds different...

You said that it's for a school project,

what does the project stand for?

5 hours ago, Rabbival507 said:

Some high tones disturbed my ear.

But maybe it's just a problem with my speaker.

They'll probably notice it sounds different...

You said that it's for a school project,

what does the project stand for?

 

 

This is supposed to be a setting of the kite fighting scene in the book Kite Runner.

It's very nice. I think it should be able to interest your audience.

The last 30 seconds are fine, but I think there could be a climax near the end.

I think the piccolo could be more independent from the flute, especially once the opening line has finished. The moment it has in the nearer the middle is good, but seems a bit random.

I think there could be more of a beat in the percussion, such as a snare drum that gradually builds up.

There are some awkward jumps in the melody which sound a little jarring, but I think your use if counterpoint is very good.

Overall, great piece. Well done!

I've read the book. I would argue that the piece is actually rather Western in its execution, so they probably won't catch onto that.
I don't know what the assignment is or whatever, but this piece doesn't really capture to intense arc of the book.
I agree that the melody is very jumpy. This isn't inherently a problem but it makes it seem like the harmony is there as a result of weird melodic treatment. Audiences will subconsciously catch onto that.