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The text is the Spanish language version of the quote that starts Toni Morrison's "Beloved."  Since she died this August, I was thinking about her books.  

Llamaré al que no era mi pueblo, pueblo mío; y a la no amada, amada.
I will call the one who was not my people, my people; and the unloved, beloved.

Edited by pateceramics
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Since "al" means "to the", is that weird as a downbeat syllable? I speak Spanish, but text setting it is a different story.
Anyway:
m. 11: Not a huge fan of the harmonic anticipation of V over i, since it takes a half-beat in order to execute.
m. 13: A bit of an awkward-sounding piano part in the right hand. Triadic, but also leap-y.
m. 15: I don't see the reason for a chromatic passage there. Comical tone shift in something that doesn't really set itself that way.
m. 18, beat 2: Again with the dominant over tonic voicing, but this time it just sounds kind of wrong instead of like a choice since it's arpeggiated in the bass.
m. 25: 8-9 bass suspension in piano and tenor is harsh. Less of a problem between tenor and soprano. 
m. 38: major seventh between bass and alto as a 7-8 suspension sounds awkward in the ii half diminished setting.
Piano's fine.

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Fine melody,  it goes well with the text.

If you wnt an opinion from a Spaniard:

The part "al que no era mi pueblo" in measure 10 and similar is OK because "al  - que - no" are here unstressed words and the melody remains stable in th same note. The accent must be (and it is) in "e" (Era mi pueblo.

The only thing is odd in m. 18 - 19: pueblo mío, pueblo mío.....   MÍO takes the stress in the "í" but the melodía goes up in the "o" of "mío", and we would never sing naturally "mío" ending in a step up. Logical sound here is that "mío" ends in the same note "mi-o", or going down. Besides, if you let it as it is, it seems you are asking something (with a strange pronuntiation): ¿pueblo mío?

Edited by Luis Hernández
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On 1/21/2020 at 1:18 PM, Luis Hernández said:

The only thing is odd in m. 18 - 19: pueblo mío, pueblo mío.....   MÍO takes the stress in the "í" but the melodía goes up in the "o" of "mío", and we would never sing naturally "mío" ending in a step up. Logical sound here is that "mío" ends in the same note "mi-o", or going down. Besides, if you let it as it is, it seems you are asking something (with a strange pronuntiation): ¿pueblo mío?

 

Is this something particular to the word "mío," the Spanish language in general, or that word in particular at the end of a phrase?  English and French both also can use a rising inflection to indicate a question, but every declarative statement doesn't end on a downward inflection as a result, nor does every question automatically go up in pitch.  It depends on what else you want to convey with your tone.  What's the rule for Spanish?

In this instance, it feels pretty natural to me to have that phrase up since it is a restatement of the text.  Had it been the first time first time the phrase appeared, it would feel more awkward.

Thanks for your help!

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On 1/20/2020 at 10:13 PM, Monarcheon said:

Since "al" means "to the", is that weird as a downbeat syllable? I speak Spanish, but text setting it is a different story.
Anyway:
m. 11: Not a huge fan of the harmonic anticipation of V over i, since it takes a half-beat in order to execute.
m. 13: A bit of an awkward-sounding piano part in the right hand. Triadic, but also leap-y.
m. 15: I don't see the reason for a chromatic passage there. Comical tone shift in something that doesn't really set itself that way.
m. 18, beat 2: Again with the dominant over tonic voicing, but this time it just sounds kind of wrong instead of like a choice since it's arpeggiated in the bass.
m. 25: 8-9 bass suspension in piano and tenor is harsh. Less of a problem between tenor and soprano. 
m. 38: major seventh between bass and alto as a 7-8 suspension sounds awkward in the ii half diminished setting.
Piano's fine.

 

Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts.  It's interesting that you hear the chromatic run at 15 as comical.  I hear it as more... intensity?  That's not really the word I want, but something in that neck of the woods.  

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11 hours ago, pateceramics said:

Is this something particular to the word "mío," the Spanish language in general, or that word in particular at the end of a phrase?  English and French both also can use a rising inflection to indicate a question, but every declarative statement doesn't end on a downward inflection as a result, nor does every question automatically go up in pitch.  It depends on what else you want to convey with your tone.  What's the rule for Spanish?

In this instance, it feels pretty natural to me to have that phrase up since it is a restatement of the text.  Had it been the first time first time the phrase appeared, it would feel more awkward.

Thanks for your help!

 

In Spanish you can end a phrase with that rising inflection, of course: questions, vocatives, etc.... If it's neutral, the inflection goes down.

What is odd here is that the stress is in the "i" of MIO, and it's strange to here the "o" higher in a short note. If the "O" was a "melisma", the rising end of the phrase would be disguised.

Edited by Luis Hernández

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