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Hello! This is the piece I'm currently working and freaking out over.

I won't give any explanation over it, so that you can listen and give me your "clean" opinions. Later I can post all the thought behind it.

Thanks for listening/helping!

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I'm loving it so far!!! I must say at first listening. The ending measures (131) arenice.  You could repeat it to give some closure.  Add some diminution maybe to make it more dramatic. Even at 65, bring make you M7 P5 motif.  Maybe play with some seconds so the interval wont be as big.  My $0.02.  bravo!

 

P.S. Your melody is the same as my "Pearl" motif in my novical "A Tale of Two Fools"

It appears at 0:40 

 

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@maestrowick Thanks for helping me out!

I was actually thinking about scrapping the section at M 131. I’m not sure it serves the purpose I intended it to serve, and I don’t think it’s as good as I want it to be. I don’t know, let’s see!

Perhaps I’ll sneak the main motif into the section from measure 65. I don’t want to over-use it, though, so I will try to deconstruct it into something else.

Pretty awesome song of yours, and props for having a music clip made! This motif it very versatile and I see you did good use of it 🙂

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Wow, the Handel-esque section at R.M. 59 came out of no where.  Almost reminds me of Smetana's Moldau -which also has fanfare section similar to this (though not as Handel-esque). 

I don' think the chordal part in the piano is necessary at measure 90. I mean, it works, but... I think the piano should continue to add to the bird-like environment here. You have the winds doing resonant tones already -so, it's not needed from the piano. I'd use the piano solely to continue the bird-like sounds. It's a nice timbral touch.

I think the introduction of the piano arpeggiations at 96 seemed to have set you up for the problems you're encountering. The preceding section sort of dissipates prematurely -and you've not set enough room for a nice transition to the next section. I'd consider expanding the bird-like section like I mentioned above. Move up the piano register and increase the density of the bird calls with the wind instruments then have the piano start the arpeggiation up high (but with rests breaking up the eventual arpeggio). This would serve to prepare for the next section while at the same time giving ample time to the birdlike section itself. Relieve the tension with a descending arpeggio in the piano that rests on the starting note of the arpeggio for the next section. You can then foreshadow the next section in the bassoon prior to the falling arpeggio (given the other instruments are in a frenzy with the bird calls).

That said, I'm loving this direction for you. The material here sounds very mature -which is an awesome thing! Brings tears to my eyes seeing you starting to develop somewhat of a voice. Keep up the amazing work! Can't wait to view this once you're finished.

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5 minutes ago, jawoodruff said:

Wow, the Handel-esque section at R.M. 59 came out of no where.  Almost reminds me of Smetana's Moldau -which also has fanfare section similar to this (though not as Handel-esque). 

Oh yes it did! I have a "dramatic script" behind all of the musical happenings in this. That's why this part comes out of nowhere. I will perhaps enhance the transition into this section, but this kind of juxtaposition kinda grew on me, so I'm not sure yet. 

 

9 minutes ago, jawoodruff said:

I don' think the chordal part in the piano is necessary at measure 90. I mean, it works, but... I think the piano should continue to add to the bird-like environment here. You have the winds doing resonant tones already -so, it's not needed from the piano. I'd use the piano solely to continue the bird-like sounds. It's a nice timbral touch.

Wow, I thought this was a really nice touch to the the section. This entire part is still up to discussion though, so I'll put a lot of thought into your advice 🙂

 

11 minutes ago, jawoodruff said:

I think the introduction of the piano arpeggiations at 96 seemed to have set you up for the problems you're encountering. The preceding section sort of dissipates prematurely -and you've not set enough room for a nice transition to the next section.

This is definatelly something I'm working on. I don't think it caused the problems I've encountered, because I wrote a couple other sections to be included in this location, and I don't think either of them actually worked. The stuff that starts on M130 is an example of that. I'm just trying to encounter the right balance between adding contrast, but not diverging too much from what I have until now, especially given that I don't have an actual reprise of any section.

I will also consider your method of transitionning into this new material, and depending on how it goes, I'll keep it or will rewrite the new section altogether.

 

18 minutes ago, jawoodruff said:

That said, I'm loving this direction for you. The material here sounds very mature -which is an awesome thing! Brings tears to my eyes seeing you starting to develop somewhat of a voice. Keep up the amazing work! Can't wait to view this once you're finished.

Aw man, that's the best compliment one could get! Thank you a lot for your very kind words 🙂

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1 minute ago, Jean Szulc said:

Oh yes it did! I have a "dramatic script" behind all of the musical happenings in this. That's why this part comes out of nowhere. I will perhaps enhance the transition into this section, but this kind of juxtaposition kinda grew on me, so I'm not sure yet. 

 

Wow, I thought this was a really nice touch to the the section. This entire part is still up to discussion though, so I'll put a lot of thought into your advice 🙂

 

This is definatelly something I'm working on. I don't think it caused the problems I've encountered, because I wrote a couple other sections to be included in this location, and I don't think either of them actually worked. The stuff that starts on M130 is an example of that. I'm just trying to encounter the right balance between adding contrast, but not diverging too much from what I have until now, especially given that I don't have an actual reprise of any section.

I will also consider your method of transitionning into this new material, and depending on how it goes, I'll keep it or will rewrite the new section altogether.

 

Aw man, that's the best compliment one could get! Thank you a lot for your very kind words 🙂

 

It is a nice touch -and perhaps you could use that material later on? 

I like what you have around M130 -I think the transition from the birdcall section to that is the main area that -to me- is lacking. I love the contrast between the sections here. 

That's the best thing about being a composer, you call the shots -and each of us have our own way of making our material work (or at least we should). 

I think this is an awesome piece so far and love the ideas. Hope my tips can shed some insight. 🙂

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