Sad piece for the piano

I've stitched together a few melodies I've come up with while improvising the last two days. I'll notate the next version in musescore and produce the audio in FL Studio, but this is basically just a quick rough draft. I don't have a title yet and I'm not set on the final structure so feel free to give suggestions. I also want to make the left hand more flowy in some places, but without clashing with the melody.

https://flat.io/score/66929dc1b395c51c02ac86cf-my-music-score?sharingKey=98cac817028336424b11d90cc66fa77cd45d5e30e50203c06577a8bc91100bb9750be725c131fc4335ff3112b110adb3639cee49094807e58474a443e83f5148

A few suggestions:

   Maybe give the left hand the melody here or there. 

  Vary the rhythmic flow more

  Generally, I like to have two or three CONTRASTING thematic ideas as a minimum to make a piece work.  Humans crave novelty.  15 seconds is FOREVER, musically.

  Example:  if I have a step-wise a theme, I use a b theme with leaps (as an example).  A staccato theme might be matched with a flowing legato theme.

  Not on whimsy, but required to create interest.

     You want the generate the feeling of sadness in the listener, maybe not make them suicidal....

Edited July 13, 20241 yr by Rich

@Rich Thanks for the suggestions. I'll try to add more variation and come up with more distinct ideas.

Hi @Artdreamer77,

you have a decent basis for the melody, but the piece is too simplistic as it is:

• The bass is too monotonous and repetitive
• To me, the repetitions are superfluous
• bars 23-26 need to be reworked: really too repetitive: at best, you may keep bars 23-24, with no repetition, as transition material.
• I agree with @Rich, a second contrasting theme would be necessary --> maybe an ideal place to position it would be in bars 23-26?

Keep up the good work!

Julien

I agree with what has been said.
Maybe developing the left hand arpeggio more in some parts, it would sound less monotonous.
Another issue is that it is noticeable that the counterpoint has not been taken into account here. The fact that there is a simple melody (one voice) and an equal bass, makes it become a very obvious 1 vs 1 counterpoint. But, although it works more or less, there are many dissonant intervals.

Hey, looks like you've gotten some great advice so far! Keep us updated on your progress, your ideas are solid. Keep pondering how you can develop the middle sections and you'll be on pace for completion. 

👍

P.S. am sad now

Thanks for all your guy's advice. I will probably rewrite the entire piece (when I feel like it). I might even just take part of it and work from there, adding contrasting sections. I think the piece has two main melodic ideas, but they don't contrast enough to feel like two ideas, not within the context of a single piece. I might write two pieces from this for that reason.

I'm not in a hurry to rewrite this. I mostly compose whatever and whenever I want to, so I might compose a few other pieces before  getting back to this.

Again, thanks.

Hello @Artdreamer77, I think you could try more harmonic variety with augmented, half diminished and ninth chords, that will make it sadder. And as it has been said, you should vary the accompaniment

Thanks for sharing

Manuel