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Hello Everyone, 

I wrote a short piano piece lately. It is depicting the journey of a child when he was trapped in the maze in his dream. 

Again, this is a tiny piece to further experiment with the modern style and try to create different ambiances.  

Any comments are appreciated:D

Best,

HoYin

 

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Not my favorite style, but it definitely does a good job portraying the scene. Not sure why, but it reminds me a bit of Debussy and other impressionistic composers.

Would have loved to hear the main theme used more (i.e. measure 3,4,5 in the upper voice), it was a refreshing contrast to all the arpeggios.

Sorry for the short comments - I'm on lunch break and don't have much time for in depth analysis!

🙂

Gustav

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  • 3 weeks later...

I’m having to completely “rehear” it in my head as I listen. The arpeggios and scales really should be soft, and the right hand brought out over the accompaniment. So keep in mind what I have to say is not based on this MIDI rendition.

The beginning part is very nice, and I think you do something really cool. You base it very clearly in the straight C major scale, and the only extra note you add is the diminished 6th, that Ab. That Ab becomes, in this intro, like a flicker of curiosty and intrigue in the child’s mind, an urge to investigate. It is weaved in some way throughout the piece as a convincing motif. Well done. However, in most cases, your uses of 5ths are really neat (as it is in most of this piece, and other pieces you’ve written), measures 15-19 are just plain ugly, no matter how I adjust it mentally (even the A# and D# ruin the wonder of the Ab motif) . I’d revise it to be more in line with what was already written beforehand, since the intro and A part doesn’t overstay it’s welcome, as far as I can hear, getting to the B section.

The B section is awesome. The panic is well portrayed and crystal clear, and as usual, your use of 5ths is really evocative. I’m not sure, but I wonder if it might be even more effective at a slightly higher tempo, with a harsh rit. from 73-76 to transfer back to the C part? Maybe, again, I’m not sure. Regardless, really love how you handled this.

C part is inspired. The conspicuous Ab flat is hinted at through the first few measures, and is finally recalled in passing at ms. 82. Some pedaling here would probably add to the mystery of the section, even if it’s just a little here and there every quarter note beat (some scales omitted).

And D part, the Ab is now suspiciously absent, the child having learned that curiosity can be dangerous, and is now more cautious. (The F# is technically the same interval, but it doesn’t sound like it in context.) Great ending.

A little nitpick and pet peeve of mine: it irritates me to see the same note being played on both staves at the same time. Mss. 4, 6, 27, (side note, ms. 28 would be easier to read if the last two beats switched staves, because the hands will need to switch at that point) 46, 50, 52, 59, 65, almost 87 (which won’t work at all without precise sustain pedal), all contain these same notes in both staves. It’s enough to be distracting. It gives the impression you composed the entire treble stave first, and added in and only focused on the bass stave afterward. Please add rests or omit notes in one hand to smooth out the score’s presentation and readability. And while you’re at it, listenable dynamics, too! I know it will always be “just MIDI,” but there’s a big difference between clunky midi playback, and MIDI that makes the listener think, “human performer, or robot? Hard to tell.”

I really like this piece, I think it’s imaginative and thoughtful. Thanks for sharing ☺️

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